Explaining the unexplainable!!!

"Mommy", Niiki says to me. Eyes huge. Tears brimming over. "When are you going to die"?? "I don't know my love, why do you ask??" I reply. She climbs onto my lap, little body starts trembling and the tears start to flow. A little whispering, whimpering Nikki says, "Mommy please don't die". "I wasn't planning to my love," I say. Holding her tight. She crawls into a fetal position and I lie behind her, her body encompassed in mine, little soft curls under my chin. "Mommy, why do people die and where do they go," my sobbing princess asks. "Nikki my love, I don't know for sure," I say softly, "I will always be with you in your heart. Those we love never leave us, we carry them forever in our heart", and I trace where her tiny heart is. I'll always be in there. But she says, "I want your body to be here to. Don't ever leave me mommy, I need you too much". I hold her tightly, a long, long time, not really sure how to explain the unexplainable to the inconsolable. She has thee moments every few months, not sure why she feels like I am going to leave her and its funny because its always been my biggest fear that I would die young, I don't believe I have ever verbalized it outside of cyberspace but she feels my fear and hangs on to it and I can't take the fear away from her when it is still very much a part of me.

Friendships.............

Its funny I am so open on my blog and the words on the page take me further then verbal expression ever could. It is hard for me to trust people with the my inner feelings, my thoughts, my fears. I have been fortunate to have connected with many people in my life on various levels. It has taken me a long time to learn how to be an acquaintance and realize that not every relationship has to touch the marrow for it to be real. How some people make me laugh, others have a great eye for shopping or a creative outlet, but the few with whom I connect well, its with them that we follow the paths of our souls and delve into the inner sanctum, the heart pounding revalations that make us laugh, make us cry and make us bond closer each time we experience it.

Last year I had connected with one of these people only to have her cut me out of her life for a few months. Its funny we have a bond, an understanding and I don't know why but I just know how she feels and she calls me a witch because to her I am. I know what she feels and thinks better then she does and I knew in the time that she cooled our friendship, that she could not bear it, it was too heavy for her, too deep. She needed the superficial friends the ones who don't get deep because they do not know how, she had a full plate and could not stand in her own truth and face the music. I don't know how to be the superficial friend with her. I can't suddenly not say all the things I see. But I also can't be the friend who drops everything when she needs something. Nope I can't have that door slammed a third time. I can't say it is not a door that won't be open, no it will but for now we will chat through the window because I can't have her as a priority because even knowing, and understanding, I have feelings too and the hurt is still there but no bitterness. A touch of sadness maybe. I know we will reconnect but for now I need to invest in me and the relationships that sustain me.

Ships in the night

Josh and I were laughing last night, it appears we have successfully managed to not be home on one night for the whole evening together since Tuesday of last week. Sheesh its quite incredible how crazy life gets. This weekend marks the official start of the summer and my plans include relaxing with the kids, BBQ's and watching the fireworks. We may head out on J's dad's boat for a few hours on Sunday (his dad is an avid deep sea fisherman). I am looking forward to reconnecting and relaxing. Happy Memorial Day to everyone.

It can be a hard knock life .......

A few of my friends are having a really rough time at the moment and I just wanted to send a cyber hug to them.

Dee and Wenchy vasbyt hey - thinking of you both with all that is going on. Love, kisses and prayers from New York.

Girls Gone Wild.................

Whooo Hooo!!! Got back from my mom's weekend away. Holy Moly was it fun. One of my friends husbands has friends in high places, he organized us a weekend in Atlantic City at the Showboat Hotel. We left early Friday morning for what should have been a three and a half hour drive. Seven hours later we arrived at our hotel, screeching with laughter as we teased Deb, who drove, we made her life a torturous hell, as we laughed about how seriously lost we got. We pulled up to the hotel to be met by our personal butler, holy friggin' crap, it was so exciting. We then passed the teems of people standing in line to be checked into the gold, executive and platinum lines to a special V.I.P room where people fawned over us. Our luggage was sent up to the room. We made our way up to our two bedroom suite overlooking the ocean. It was just gorgeous with a wrap around balcony where we could see the ocean and boardwalk down below. The dining room table was set with delicious treats as we sat enjoying the views and each others company we devoured the assortment of treats while the butler went to get us Martini mixes as one of the ladies had a craving for martini's. He arrives back with the martini's and a whole array of desserts just incase we felt like something sweet. Now I am not into drinking, I hate how I feel when I drink but give me cakes and candy and I will take that sugar rush in a second. It was awesome. Deb and I shared a room. There were two bedrooms, three full bathrooms but Deb and my bathroom was mammoth, it was a gorgeous room, we lay in bed watching TV, chilled out. Napped a bit and then got tarted up for a night out. Mimi and Joanne left earlier to walk on the board walk and to meet us at Bally's Hotel to the Blue Martini Bar where they have over 100 different Martini's. The girls declared the French Martini to be the winner. We made our way back to the hotel to the House of Blues cafe where we munched on Spicy catfish nuggets, sweet potato fries (my favourite), ribs, seafood pasta, cornbread and an array of yummy drinks including a red delicious martini that just blew my martini loving pals right out of the water!!! Half way through the meal, tabasco, chili pepper loving Mimi was introduced to Habenero peppers the strongest peppers in the world, it hit her hard and she landed on her arse in hot sauce, found it hard to breath, Joanne and I being the wonderful friends that we are also had trouble breathing but more from laughter then sharing her pain. Deb came to the rescue as she marched into the kitchen for bread and milk to stop the burning so that our pal could breathe. We the went back to the room to chill and get a tad wasted.

Saturday morning I was up at 8am, hit the boardwalk for what should have been a run or fast walk but ended up being more of a crawl. It was awesome walking along the beach just watching the birds and smelling the fresh air. I went back to the room, we called the butler who promptly arrived with our breakfast and coffee. We had a leisurely meal and then went to hit the outlet stores where there were huge sales at coach, Ralph Lauren, J-Jill, etc. It was funny, we called up the spa to see if we could get massages, so sorry they say we are fully booked. We tell our butler, no problem he says "consider it done". Consider it done became the theme of the trip because WHATEVER we wanted we got. Deb and I cut the trip shopping trip short to head back for a delicious massage. I could get used to this lifestyle I swear. We then went up to our room where we ordered the most delicious buffalo wings, dim sum and cheeses and fruit. Time to get ready for our night out.

Debs husband had organized us a table in the Foundation room, a special room that is reserved for VIP's and their guests. Its funny because we had one of two VIP rooms in the VIP room. People kept sticking their heads in to see who could be so important that they got their own private suite in the prestigious club. We were served the most sumptuous meal of Kobe beef, soft shell crab, of course they kept bringing in never ending trays of yummy appetizers and I must say I had the best crabcakes ever!!!

They cleaned out the room and reserved it for us to have dessert and coffee after the concert. We went to see George Thorogood and the destroyers an aging Rock band. Imust say I have never heard of them and they were pretty good. The best part was watching the audience who started from mid 40's to well into their 60's and 70's die hard rockers, who have been fans for over 30 years. It was like watching my folks shouting rock on with the rockers salute. I was finished from laughing so much. The best part when he made a comment to the audience - said something along the lines of "Hey all you divorced gals meet me after the show", I was howling with laughter because 20 years ago his comment would have been "hey all you single chicks lets party after the show". It was so much fun. Mimi and I bailed on the concert early and went back to our private room within the private room to start on some sinful desserts and my how sinful they were. Yum. At around 2pm we hit the casino which was so much fun. We all lost dismally but had a great time trying.

Sunday morning we went to the Mansion Cafe. There were lines of people waiting to get in. we walked to the head of the line, informed them that our butler had made a reservation for us and we were whisked in to our tables for what would prove to be the only mediocre meal of the trip.

We packed up and headed home. It was such a blast, I can only imagine what it cost the hotel and I guess as in life it not what you know but who you know. The best part of the trip was being with a bunch of women who were so compatible, so easy to get along with and able to just laugh and have a great time. I am all about the bonding and the laughter. It was so special and we had an unbelievable time, we are already planning our next trip!!!!!

Dinner at the House of Blues on Friday Night

4 Muskateers or is that Martini-teers?

Our VIP room in the Foundation Room

Deb and I

George Throrogood again

George Thorogood

The Ferris wheel at night

Part of the boardwalk

Mimi and I

Deb giving birth to a pillow - lol did I say we were wasted???

Mimi and the red delicious Martini

Joanne, Mimi, Deb in the casino

Mothers Day

Yesterday was Mother's day. It is a great day to acknowledge a truly remarkable woman. My mom. I truly admire my mother and think she is true lady. My parents have always been unbelievably supportive throughout my life and one of the strongest anchors I could ever hope to have. My mom is a lady who makes things happen, she goes out of her way to make sure everyone around her is happy, never putting herself first. Many is the time that someone mentions a certain food that they love or object that they always wanted , when the next time they see her it is magically there. She works so hard, getting up at 5am to cook her kids favourite meals, babysitting my kids every weekend from Friday through Sunday so that Josh and I could have time to connect. As a result her grandkids adore her and they view their time at Gugga's house as "the best", Josh and I call it camp Ruth. She has them cooking, crafting, she even lets them clean out cupboards and makes it seem like fun. She has incredible patience. I made her a plate last year that says... Great mothers get promoted to Grandmothers. She is a great mom and I am so thankful to all that she has done and continues to do. Thanks mom, Happy Mother's Day.

I could not do a post without acknowledging the moms whom I admire in my life.......
My sister Heid who has two remarkable boys, she has grown into an incredible woman who makes me really proud to love.
My friend Dee who has a remarkable approach to life an parenthood.
My friend Deb who has taught me how to chill out and just let the kids get dirty and have fun. Who is the only other nutter who lets her daughter paint her whole body with sidewalk paint.
My cousin Laura who reminded me how much fun it was for kids to make mudpies and has helped me chill out with the kids.
To all those who do what we do and support eachother unconditionally.... Supermom, Wenchy, Broom Girl, what a lot of fun, angel at home
Happy Mother's Day to you all.

Morbid moments............

I sometimes think that I think to much. I talk to G-d everyday, not because I am religious, no I am far from that. I don't pray for greatness or treasures but to thank "Him" for everything I have and how grateful I am to have the people in my life that I do. I don't have to pray for treasures because I am surrounded by them, my kids, my husband, my parents and sisters and all these wonderful souls I call friends. How truly lucky am I. It took me a long time to find the rainbows in everyday, I missed out on seeing them for the longest time. I am not some happy clappy drugged out shmuck with a grin pasted to my face and drool dripping from my mouth. I don't walk around grinning amd smelling the roses, but I do see sunsets and they capture me, I love chatting with my friends online or having an impromptu cup of coffee with my new connections who feel like a part of my history already. How lucky can one person be. I thank G-d everyday to be sure to re-inforce it to myself to be sure to savour each and every gem. Every moment, lest it be gone and lost forever.

Almost 5 years ago I had surgery, I was really scared and did not think I would make it out, my kids were really young, Nikki about 14 months and Ry about 3. I wrote letters to my parents, kids and Josh. I know its morbid but I needed them to have some of my words just like I need them to have this blog in which I capture bits of our lives in, memories to sustain them if I am unable to. For me my blog is a time capsule into our lives and a way for them to get into my head in a way I wish I could have got into my moms when she was my age.

How apt that I came across this letter on mother's Day. Here is the letter I wrote............


December 9, 2001

Dear Ryan and Nikki:

I am writing this letter to you both in the event that I am no longer around to let you know what it is that you two mean to me. I never knew it was possible to love anyone as I do you two.

This is such a hard letter to write, I love you and unfortunately, love is a word that just is thrown around without meaning but it is the only word I can use to express every overwhelmingly wonderful feeling I have whenever I look at you. Ry and Nik you are my heart, my soul and the very reason I believe I was put on this earth in the first place. How lucky I am to have known you and been loved by you. I never want you to doubt how much you mean to me. You are loved. You are accepted. You are wonderful, special human beings. I want you to wake up every morning and those are the first three sentences I want you to say to yourself, hopefully your dad will tell you that all the time, his memory isn’t always the best, G-d knows I have to remind him all the time about everything; even he doesn’t remember say it to yourself as many times as you need to: “I am loved. I am accepted. I am wonderful”.

Psychologists believe that children’s personalities develop at birth. If that is the case then I am so lucky to have such wonderful, caring, strong girls in my home. You are both so bright, alert and loving. I see so much good in you both and I love you so very much. Please believe that even if I am not here in person, there is no way on earth that I am going to miss watching you both grow up. Whatever you do, wherever you go, I will be there.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you both. I hope you will find your way in the world with little pain and disappointment. I hope that you will see those letdowns as a learning experience and grow with each one. I hope you keep your yearning and joy for life. That you never lose your ability to give of your heart and your soul but hold onto your body until someone who deserves to share it with you comes along. Test people but don’t push them so far that they never come back. Try to be honest but not rude. Be open but not offensive. Remember the backbone of your life is family, sisters are drawn and repelled by one another, many will come and try to stand in your way. Accept each other for who the other is. Don’t try to change just compromise, communicate and have fun together. Those three things are the essence of any relationship (marriage, friendship or any other) and will hold you in good stead as you grow and grow up.

Don’t let the loses in your life stop you from being the best you can be. Always love and respect yourself. I am your mother, I love you, and I helped create two wonderful individuals who make me so proud to be a part of. You are an extension of me but you are your own people, be true to yourself, if you lie to yourself, you’ll eventually lose a part of yourself.

Don’t go haphazardly into life because that rarely works, set realistic goals, work for them and they will be yours for the taking. Grab onto your ambitions and work, work, work and save, save, save. Then you can get what you need and desire, owing no one but yourself. Don’t limit yourself by using the limits others set for themselves and you, everyone is different. I firmly believe that there is no doubt that you can achieve what you want if you want it. With that said, I also believe in fate and the truth, so if something is not to be, and sometimes it is, then you need to know that there is something better around the corner and you need to wait it out. There is so much I want to tell you, but sometimes the best lessons in life are the ones you learn yourself.

I have no doubt that you will always make me proud, and I could never begin to love you more then I do.

I cannot even begin to express how much I love you both and how I hope G-d will allow me to spend the rest of my life, hopefully a very long time as an integral and supportive part of your lives.
I love you, now and always.

Love,

Mom

Sad......

Josh and I had a long chat this weekend and he has decided that there is no way that he can take 3 weeks off to go to South Africa. He feels like it is completely stressing him out and does not want to take the time out of his schedule. I feel so sad for him as he loves South Africa with a passion that is quite unexpected from one who was not born there. He is obsessed with rugby and wakes up before the birds to watch games with my dad. There is something about biltong at 2am in the morning that would make even me hurl. I must say after 10 years of marriage and all the crap I give him, I cannot imagine being away from him for that long and am really sad to not have him be a part of the experience that the girls and I will have. I know he is right and this is the best decision but why dioes it not feel so right???

THE Talk...............

Its funny we are sometimes presented with opportunities to discuss major issues with our kids, I feel it is so necessary to take that opportunity and run with it. Last week there was a story on the news about an 11 year old girl in England who is pregnant and is about to be awarded the title of youngest mother in Great Britain - sheesh thats one award I never want in my household. I guess it will be up on the mantle along with the youngest junkie or most insecure or the person who can chainsmoke the most amount of cigarettes in an hour. Call me crazy but my kids soccer and gymnastics trophies will suffice for me.

The only real good that comes out of topics like that is the talks that follow. I never usually allow the kids in my room when the news is on, I find the topics so traumatic and there is no need to expose them to it just yet, as fate would have it Ry happened to come be with me while that particular story was on. She asked me an assortment of questions on the topic and I siezed the opportunity to tell them about respecting their bodies and wait until they finish high school until they have sex. We discussed how babies are made. How one day it will feel good to have a penis in your vagina but how its not appropriate until you are older. How when they do decide that is what they want to do there are ways to prevent having a baby and we will dicuss it at the time. How if they ended up with a baby in their bellies it would change their lives forever. Nikki says, oh mom it would be ok you would look after my baby. I shook my head and said No, niks, the baby would be yours, it would be your responsibility. She says well what about school. I said you would have to study from home and look after your child. I would love you no matter what happens but when you make choices good or bad you have to live with the consequences. I said to her, how every day you have to make choices, good ones or bad ones. Bouncing the ball in the house was an example of a bad decision which sparked a fiery debate how angry they were with me about the ball. I told them how they made the choice to bounce it in the house and the only person they could be angry with is themselves. I kept up my end of the bargain they failed on theirs. We talked about how the choices they make can change their lives forever, how one of the greatest things that can ever happen to them is having a baby but they have to have it when they are old enough to take care of it or it would turn out to be a bad thing.

Its funny but the experts say to start talking to your kids about these topics as early as possible. I feel 5 and 7 is way too early to discuss sex but the truth and the reality of life is kids are having babies much younger. There are reports of Barmitzvah boys who get blow jobs for their barmitzvahs. (Josh feels considerably shortchanged as all he got were a few gifts and a bit of cash). These are 12 or 13 year old kids. We live in a soceity where our president got up and said that oral sex was not sex. We live in a soceity where kids are not taught respect for their elders let alone for themselves. I can't change soceity but I can certainly direct my kids as best I can. We do reiterate how no matter what they do they are loved, right or wrong they know they are loved. They know that even when I am angry I love them. I can't even begin to tell you how powerful a talk it was and how moved we were by it how I feel like it got a strong message across. The seed is planted. All from a bouncing ball and a pregnant pre-teen.

Mean Mommy........

"Mom", Nikki asked me the other day, "why are you so nice to everyone and mean to us?" "Nikki my love", my response was "my job is to be mean to you. My job is to love you, to teach you, to nurture you and I am not your friend, I am your teacher, I am the voice in the back of your head that tells you how to cross the street, that will hopefully keep you from dangerous situations".

I have two kids shouting in their rooms at me, telling me how I am ruining their lives. How mean I am. How much they hate me. They are crying and red hot angry. They are wishing for a nicer mom. To them, and I quote, I am the worsted mom in the world. You see today I took Nikki with me to the supermarket. They had these huge balls there literally three quarters of Nikki's height and well her width was completely obliterated all you saw was her head and the tips of her toes. We are talking about a serious, kick ass ball. I told her we could buy it so long as she promised to never play with it in the house. I promise, never ever she says, pinky swear. Well hey its a pinky swear one has to do what one has to do. She was in charge of pushing the shopping cart and I had to carry the ball. In the parking lot I balanced the ball on top of the cart and told her to walk right next to me. Of course she did not listen and came so close to being shwarma'ed by an SUV backing out of a parking spot as she ran ahead of me. Moms really can do more then one thing at a time, I managed to grab her, while shouting for the driver to stop. It was only after I grabbed her out of harms way did I realize that I had not even let go of my cart, or the ball and I managed to still get her in time - sheesh that fight or flight reflex just kicked in big time.

After doing Hebrew school car pool, we told Ry about our latest treat waiting at home, I reiterated to her about not playing with the ball inside the house. Did she understand. Yes she swore, she did. No problem. I swear no more then 10 minutes of being home, I was throwing together dinner, Carol was giving them a quick bath and I hear a banging sound and a fight between the two beauties. I throw open the door and there is Ryan bouncing the ball in the bathroom. I immediately confiscated it and explained that I am giving the ball away, their bouncing days are over. Its a hard lesson to learn and one I need them to know. Ry first backtracked and told me it was an accident, then how she knew that she did it but did not mean to. We have a zero tolerance for lying in my house. Not accepted. It was a tough choice as I had two hysterically crying kids in front of me, tears streaming down their faces. But in that moment I knew this $3.00 ball was a huge lesson that they needed to grasp, they needed to understand how life was made of choices, good ones and bad ones. Run across the parking lot ones. How they needed to think before they acted. How this ball while fun and frivolous is huge and could have inflicted major damage on them or the bathroom. How to stop and think before they do something. I smile inside when I hear them telling each other secrets about me because I know that by them being a united front and me being the enemy they will be bonded closer and deep down I hope that they will one day share a bond that sisters know. May this be their greatest adversity and may they, I hope, learn the lesson I am trying to teach them.

Being Gay .................

Ryan and Nikki were playing the other day. Nikki did something Ry did not approve of. Ry rolled her eyes in her head and said "That is so gay". (for those who don't know she is seven years old). I admonished her straight away and told her that I never ever wanted to hear her say that to anyone ever again. She looks at me and asks "Mom, what does gay mean?". "Ry", I say "Gay is a way of saying someone who likes people of the same sex only, men who only like men and women who only like women." She says to me "Mom, are you gay?" I reply, "No, Ry because I married Daddy." A short while later she comes to me and says, "Mom, I must be gay because I only like girls!" I told her whatever she is, is fine with me so long as she is happy.

A point to ponder.........

I am watching Nicholas's Gift, its based on a true story, a movie starring Jamie Lee Curtis, it brings up a heart wrenching topic that I wonder where your thoughts take you. For me it just opens a floodgate of tears and fears. The premis of the movie is a child is waiting for a heart transplant. As the mother of the recipient, how do you pray for your child to live as another child has to die to be a donor. As the parent of a potential donor how do you allow doctors to cut up your child to save another?? Its funny, before kids it would be a sad movie now as a mom I feel devastated, its like a black fog has enveloped me with a sadness that I can't escape. One hears stories of recipients who acquire the tastes of their donors, staunch vegetarians who now have a craving for beef, candy lovers being repulsed by sugar. In that there is the only hope I would ever grab if I was ever, G-d forbid, tu tu tu, in a position like that because there would be hope that a piece of you, the piece of you that makes you whole as a parent, the piece that is your child, lives on through another.

Social Security...............

In the midst of a really hectic time in her life Dawn took the time to teach me how to do a link. Thanks Dee - hope everything turns out OK, with D's dad.

I was cycling around my neighbourhood yesterday, I was reading Jax's blog about how she had just got electric fences put around her house.

I am often amazed at how naive my neighbours are as they play in the streets, ride their bikes without a care. Except for a short period after 9/11 they have no idea what it is like to live in a state of constant awareness. Sure there is crime and the news is filled with stories but the stuff that makes it into the headlines here is so commonplace in South Africa that it does not even get a mention. My kids have no idea how fortunate they are to live in a place where they can ride their bikes and have their only concern being looking out for cars or walking to the park with the babysitter after school and when they are older being able to walk around the neighbourhood in little packs of giggling girls.

Spring is here, people's driveways are filled with bands of kids playing basketball, we drive slowly around the neighbourhood as you never know when one may come across a game of roller hockey in the streets. I know for me that is the reason I decided not to go back to SA. Its funny when Josh and I got married he knew without a shadow of a doubt that one day we would be living back in SA. When we were talking about doing it because I just could not take the homesickness anymore, I pined for my parents, the yearning was so strong to be my daddy's little girl, to be safe from the big pond I had landed in, this little fish was being dragged by the stream and it scared the crap out of me. My mom who felt like a part of her was missing with me here was the one who held strong, when as a mom she wanted me back home so badly, No she said you have gone through too much to be where you are and you will not bring my grandchildren up here. As everyone knows they gave up so much to move around the corner from me and I am so grateful to them because without them I would not have the kids that I have today. My mom created a safe haven for my kids where they could just be kids, where fun was the objective while I was the trapeze artist balancing everything else, barely hanging on, not even looking down to see if I was able to put one foot in front of the other, tumbling down, dusting off and getting right back on. You see for all its security for all the USA has to offer my kids and there is so much, they won't lnow some of the most important lessons that one gets to learn, its ok to be a kid and act like a kid. Kids here are 8 going on 18. They lead scheduled lives where they socialize through activities. The put in 12 - 14 hour days.

I had an instance yesterday where I was doing my Hebrew School carpool, one of the kids from the older classes needed a ride, he happens to live on my block (we all know how fabulously I get on with my block) and he refused to come with me because his mother had not said that he could. Kids are drilled with stories of strangers and the danger. Here is a kid who while he does not know me, catches the bus with my daughters everyday and did not feel safe enough to let me drive him home. His mom called later to apologize and the saddest part is her and I both knew that the lessons she had taught him would one day save him. You see my kids won't know that people for the most part can be trusted but need to be shied away from and kept at arms length or further if you can. We may not put up fences around our houses but we teach our kids to put them around themselves. I am not sure what is worse.

Dawn is helping me learn how to do a link - thanks Dee you rock!!

Proud as punch..........

Hate that saying but if the hat fits. Sheesh I ma one big cliche today. Yesterday was Ry's biography day at school - she was Harriet Tubman and I must say she did a great job. Harriet Tubman was a runaway slave who saved over 300 slaves. As luck would have it we happen to have a whole stash of moth eaten dresses which were Josh's step-grandmother's when she was a child. The woman is well into her 90's. It was the perfect outfit for Ry and she stole the show.

The day Ry was placed in Ms. Siper's class I have to say the stars alligned and all fell into place. Her teacher has an incredible understanding of Ry and who she is. She is a no nonsense woman but has the ability to see into the kids and bring out their special spark. I am so grateful after Ry's harrowing year last year she ended up in Ms. Siper's capable hands.

Tuesday night Nikki got all dressed up for her recital pictures - she looks so cute and I had so much fun putting make up on her. It brought me back to my days at Anne Carstens Dance studio, Anne put on a production that was incredible. There was a mother, Mrs. Katay who would make all the costumes for the whole school, they would cost a fortune but the effect was wow!! We won many competitions. Nikki has been dragged though dance school, she wants to do more free play and hang out with her buddies but I must admit this one is for me, I so want to see her onstage in that cute barbie outfit with that big silly Nikki smile. She is such a delicious creature. This will be the last year of dance as taking her has been hell, the other moms might stage a mutiny if I enroll her for next year. Nikki has this infectious energy that gets all these little people acting silly. Ahhh Nikki Noodles.

Ryan - the two headed monster :) with her daddy

Can't turn this pic around - I am so technically challenged it is quite pathetic.

Ryan and I

Ryan

Nikki Noodles

Tagged again...........

I have been tagged by... http://www.angelathome.blogspot.com/ (still can't do the link thingy magiggy)

'Six More Things About Yours Truly'


1. For a person who has no limitations I have a lot of fear. I fear of dying early and not achieving all I wish to.

2. I am a private person who displays a very public side of myself through my blog.

3. I read people in a way that scares them and sometimes me. I know what is best for them on so many levels and they come to me in droves for advice. I just know and have no idea why.

4. I am more mellow, less driven to succeed and completely immature now then I was in my 20's, boy I was so serious then.

5. I have long chats with G-d, I thank him everyday for my kids, my husband and the journey my life is on. Sometimes it is hard to be grateful but I make a point of making sure to acknowledge all that is good even if it takes awhile to recognize.

6. I have a parking fairy, her name is Rose, she also gets me to where I am going. She works I promise. Just make sure to thank her is you use her.

7. I have to add a 7. - no-one will be coming back to my blog after they read my six things.

I have tagged:

Dawn http://dawn-unplugged.blogspot.com/
Yael http://byinvitationonly.blogspot.com/
Wenchy http://www.thenocturnalwench.com/wenchysblog.htm
Broom Girl http://www.broomgirl.com//

Hob Nobbing...........

It often amazes me how I end up in really incredible situations. I have hob nobbed with the rich and famous quite by accident on many occassions. One such time was in 1988 when I was coming back from my adventure in Israel (in the Israeli Army on Sar-el) and my trip on Contiki through Europe. When I arrived at the airport in Cape Town my sister Heidi was there with a wide grin. She was so excited. I have just met Brenda Fassie she says, for those not in the know, Brenda was a mega star in South Africa at the time, like Madonna to the black population. She went on to say that Brenda was getting married and her and I had been invited to the wedding. The wedding was amazing in a large church jam packed with fans and celebrities, her maid of honour was none other then Miriam Mkebe (sp??) Fans packed the outside, there was a small pathway in to the church where we were carried away by the magic of voices in harmony. It was awesome. Afterwards we headed back to the townships to the reception. We arrived early as the wedding party was taking photo's doing press, etc. We were enveloped with the warmth of the community, two lone white faces in the sea of black. We danced with an assortment of people, all laughing on a high for this auspicious event. When the wedding party arrived we made our way into the reception which was held at Brenda's house, it was very simple and so unlike the excesses of white affairs. Huge vats of stew, pap and sides simmered away, traditional black fare, not roaming far from her roots. It was very strange being in the minority being a product of Apartheid where whites and blacks were segregated and our only exposure to black people were the ones who worked in our homes or did many of the essential, invisible jobs that made the economy grow.

Last night wa another experience of the sort, not quite as high powered but interesting. Josh was invited to attend a function for Tom Suozzi who is running for the governor of New York State. It is a huge position with direct access to the President of the USA. I bumped into people whose houses I had closed. Multi-million dollar homes in the most prestigious areas. The home we were on was breathtaking, right on the open bay, four lots connected together with a tasteful, rather mammoth home situated on it. At one point I was talking to some people I do work for, who happen to be some of the nicest millionaires/billionaires? one could ever hope to meet. At which point Tom comes over to me, puts his arm around my shoulder and starts asking me questions about the title industry and areas he wanted to target for investigation and what were my thoughts on it. He is gorgeous. How did he expect me to even think. Charasmatic too. We chatted for quite some time. A huge hug and kiss and he was gone. Sighhhhhhhhh guess he has my vote!