Friendships.............

Its funny I am so open on my blog and the words on the page take me further then verbal expression ever could. It is hard for me to trust people with the my inner feelings, my thoughts, my fears. I have been fortunate to have connected with many people in my life on various levels. It has taken me a long time to learn how to be an acquaintance and realize that not every relationship has to touch the marrow for it to be real. How some people make me laugh, others have a great eye for shopping or a creative outlet, but the few with whom I connect well, its with them that we follow the paths of our souls and delve into the inner sanctum, the heart pounding revalations that make us laugh, make us cry and make us bond closer each time we experience it.

Last year I had connected with one of these people only to have her cut me out of her life for a few months. Its funny we have a bond, an understanding and I don't know why but I just know how she feels and she calls me a witch because to her I am. I know what she feels and thinks better then she does and I knew in the time that she cooled our friendship, that she could not bear it, it was too heavy for her, too deep. She needed the superficial friends the ones who don't get deep because they do not know how, she had a full plate and could not stand in her own truth and face the music. I don't know how to be the superficial friend with her. I can't suddenly not say all the things I see. But I also can't be the friend who drops everything when she needs something. Nope I can't have that door slammed a third time. I can't say it is not a door that won't be open, no it will but for now we will chat through the window because I can't have her as a priority because even knowing, and understanding, I have feelings too and the hurt is still there but no bitterness. A touch of sadness maybe. I know we will reconnect but for now I need to invest in me and the relationships that sustain me.