Oh what a night

Talk about taking out all the stops. Our friend's Stacey and John threw a party of note. We arrived at the party, they had two valets to park the cars, we walked past their three husky security guards to the most amazing sight, they transformed their entire backyard into a 70's wonderland. They had colored fairy lights around their gazebo, 15 tables with with those, I want to call them "hair lamps" which have fibre optic threads that glow different colors. Huge lava lamps around the pool and in the garden. A DJ with some profeesional dancers - it was awesome. She had a whole army of waitstaff bringing around the most delicious array of food. Not to mention a huge Italian buffet. John was dessed as John Travolta, Stacey looked like a 70's babe of note - it was so much fun.

There was another couple there (their daughter is Sydney in the party pics from the 26th of July), we all danced the night away. Sheesh talk about a party and a half. My friend Loren was in India on business and was really missed by all of us, her husband arrived in his orange bell bottoms with a huge Chai on his chest, his shirt unbuttoned to his waist, he was a riot. We had so much fun. Josh was dressed as a hippie, bandana, vest/waistcoat - the works.

The best was the look on peoples faces when he filled up my gas guzzler while dressed as a hippie, I am not sure if they were looking at the outfit and thinking - grow up dude, or no way does someone dress up like that on a Saturday Night or spot the mistake in the pic - hippie - SUV???

My spiffy new wheels

I got my new car and it is so larny :) you non-South Africans will have to work that out yourself. I swear with gas/petrol up to $3.00 a gallon you would think I would choose a mini instead of a super SUV - its a truck of note and I feel like a young ruffian in it. My kids are loving the third row and I must say the extra row really muffles out a lot of the bickering so all is well on long car trips.

Today we had a hectic day just non stop running around, the truth is the whole week pretty much went along those lines, luckily we have a friend watching Ryan and Nikki is sleeping over at my father-in-laws house, my folks are down in Florida spending time with my sister, Heidi and her family. We have a rip roaring party planned tonight, the theme is a 70's party so I have dusted off the platforms, bought a hectic coloured shirt - yes I am going to be wearing colour (audible gasp), my black bellbottoms - yes I have to have so me black. I bought false eyelashes and blue eyeshadow - so into it I can't even begin to tell you. Should be a riot as the couple throwing it have a great sense of adventure and a zest for life which they bring to everything they do. Watch this space for more details ...........................................

Ryan's world is enlarging as corn has been added to the reportoire, I have to say I just admire this kid so much, I know I could not bear all that she has to and I am awed by her ability, her determination and her strong sense of doing the right thing. I never thought I could see one of my kids as my hero but she sure is and I am so very proud of who she. I know Nikki could not and certainly would not handle the limitations that Ry has had to but I must say one thing for Nikki she staunchly supports her sister. If Ryan can't have something then NO-ONE in the family can eat it in front of her. Nikki does not veer from that for a second and will steadfastly decline desserts or anything that Ryan is unable to eat whenever Ryan is around. My heart really swells with pride watching them stick together and I hope that follows them into adulthood and the rest of their lives. There is something truly wonderful about having someone always being in your corner. I think the very essence of sisters is what bonds us together tears us apart and I get such an insight into my siblings and our interaction when I watch my girls. I hope they end up apprecaiting eat other as much as I appreciate my sisters.

Can't seem to get this letter to turn around - Ryan wrote it to Josh before he went to london. "Dear Daddy I Love you. Wie (why) do you have to go. I will miss you very much." Note the spongebob holding both their hands
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Miss Ryan
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Ryan and Marisol - her american girl doll
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Nikki waiting for the bus before camp
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Nikki Multitasking
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Crazy hair day at camp
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Nikki working on the "lamb"rover
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boy are we in trouble
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one made up princess
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Nikki applying her make up - oy vey
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Nikki and her friend Sydney at Sydney's Birthday party
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mommy and her girls
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Nikki at Ryans school for Science night
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Ryan at school
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My two princesses on mommy's princess bed
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Update

Last week my dad had a minor procedure, I spent the day with him and my mom at the doctors office. I am always reminded how special my folks are to me and how much I love spending time with them when there are no demands and life is put on hold for a few hours. The doctors office does not allow cell phones so we had 5 uninterrupted hours, time I will treasure, to just chat and be. My mom knitted while my dad and I attempted crossword puzzles. Can I just say I really suck at crossword puzzles. It must be in his gene pool becasue let me tell you he ain't much better.

The kids did not sleep over at my folks over the weekend as my dad was just not up to it, so Friday Night I had shabbas at my house, Josh's dad, stepmom and my mom joined us (I made my mom cook of course :) I find it really hectic at the end of a long week to do but I must say I love the traditions that I pass to my girls, the sense of family and yiddishkyte (sp??). saturday was a mad rush of tutors, doctors and then the tranquility of my parents pool. They live in a great development that has communal tennis courts and swimming pool. It was fabulous. There were about 15 girls there all around the same age as my kids, they spent 4 hours in the pool and a great time was had by all. My friend Loren met me there and her and I hucked for hours, what a treasure and what a pleasure. Its funny we are both Scorpio's married to Virgo's and the similarities in the dynamic of our marriages is just amazing. It is wonderful to meet people who can think and dissect life as I do. Saturday Night was filled with me cooking up a storm of Ryan's latest dietary restrictions and changes so she could have some food for the next few days, luckily beef and potatoes were added to the roster so Sunday morning we headed over to my parents house for a mega braai (BBQ), Ryan finished a whole steak by herself. Afterwards we headed over to our friends Debie and Kevin who live in the high rent district, they have a gorgeous home with a swimming pool and tennis court. Their two kids and our two had such a fabulous day swimming, playing tennis and jumping on their trampoline. We managed to chat and relax and just savour the day. We rushed home having lost track of the time as distant relatives of Josh's were coming over to check out my car. They loved it (of course) it really looks new and rides like a dream I will really miss it. Today we went to Stacey's house to pay for the car, we will pick it up bright and early tomorrow morning as my insurance only kicks in at midnight tonight. She had the whole car detailed, it looks brand new - wow what a hot looking car, sheesh a new hair do and now a new car - I feel like a completely new person. I swear from driving an old mans car to a zippy Dodge Durango I am rather excited and feel very spoiled indeed.

The week in review

Well another week is gone, been a busy and exciting one. Hectic with work, kids, Mah Jongg and making sure Ry has adequate food at camp and home, many the night we have been up late cooking those friggin' pancakes she likes (and is allowed), cakes, cookies, she is actually loving the food, my kids have never eaten so much crap in their lives - it is truly amazing. She is eating choclate chip pancakes made with riceflour 3 times a day - a happier kid you could not begin to find.

I had an exciting week, I have a very good friend who is a car broker, she is a dynamic woman who not only survives in a predominantly mans world but she does exceptionally well. I have been on the look out for a second hand car with a third row. I happen to love my current car, which is a Lincoln Continental, its like sitting in on a lounge suite and just cruising. After my minivan accident two years ago, where my car was totalled, my father-in-law was selling his car and sold it to us. I was thrilled as new cars lose their values so quickly and Josh had bought me a mommy mobile of note - with every option and bell and whistle available, it was almost a year old when this lunatic driver went into me. The insurance paid us half of what we paid as cars devalue so quickly, and we basically lost $20,000 in a year, I told Josh I had better uses for that kind of money and no longer wanted a new car.

The lincoln is a dream come true, truly the best car I have ever owned but it does not have a third row which is essential in the world of car pools and all that fun stuff. So I have nagged Josh for the whole summer that I have to have a third row by the time fall starts so I can get into some of the carpools for the kids.

My friend Stacey has been on the lookout for a car for me and called me last week to say she found the perfect car, a 2000 Dodge Durango in great shape for an unbelievable deal. It was such a no brainer - new tires, new everything and on Monday it will be mine. I am so excited and I have to say it is so gorgeous http://www.kbb.com/kb/ki.dll/kw.kc.ur?kbb.NY;804642;NY059&11753;+p&722;Dodge;2000%20Durango&6;DT;DW&&& (if you want to see it), we get delivery on Monday ................. woo hoo

We have a few people who want to buy the Lincoln, I have to say I will be really sad to see it go but am excited by my new mean driving machine.

Nikki's Night Dream

Every couple of nights for the past few months Nikki has woken me up because she had a "night dream". She then shnuggles down in bed with me. I wait for her to fall asleep and then take her back to her room. She then wakes up again and comes back. She needs to be right next to me and usually wiggles me to the very edge of our huge bed so I am holding on for dear life. I do not cope well without sleep, I turn into a raving lunatic, I hate how bitchy I become. I know that the "night dream" is merely an excuse because she just wants to be near me. The truth is I love having her with me, that little body next to mine is really one of my favourite things but not between the hours of 10pm to 6am. Last night I lost it. Third night in a row. I felt so bad as a dejected little person carried her woo woo ( a stuffed dog almost as big as she is) both of them with their heads hung low as they went back to bed. She came back three times to test my resolve, me too tired to actually get out of bed and even escort her back to bed, the last guilt ridden words, "But mommy, I just want to shnuggle you". Heart breaking, resolve strong, I have a closing today possibly two, can't afford a brain fog from lack of sleep. That little voice, that little body. Too cute for her own good, really.

Not such a great time......

It has not been a great weekend, I find I am just not coping well. Ryan has started with a new doctor after her other doctor just dropped all his patients after his wife had a baby. Here was a kid who was so invested in him, based on his word only she gave up candy and ice cream for the summer, along with a whole host of other goodies. We started with a new kinesiologist on Saturday and her diet makes the previous diet appear to be generous, I have to say I just lost it after the visit, I literally had no idea what to feed my child. We came out of there with a diet based soley on chicken, turkey, rice, a few vegetable and a few fruits. That's it. The list of no's had grown to include corn, potato, eggs, beef, on top of the no dairy, no soy, no sugar restrictions. I have really been able to keep it together for the most part but Saturday I just lost it, I called a friend of mine who has severe dietary restritions and she gave me some suggestions but was also struck by the severity ofher diet. I took Ryan back to the doctor yesterday to try and get some direction, I managed to find a few things she could add into it like dairy free chocolate chips, tapioca powder, maple syrup and coconut. After work yesterday, Josh and I cooked for hours making meat balls, chicken, pancakes and cookies - they were not terrible. I called my mom from the supermarket hyserical as I had no shortening to add, no vegetable oil because of the soy and corn, no butter or margerine because of the dairy, soy or corn, thank goodness my mom remembered sunflower oil - which we have not tested but olive oil was just not going to cut it for pancakes. I think people seeing the hysterical woman in the oil aisle must have thought I was a complete wack job. She has a ton more options now, I am still shellshocked and can burst into tears with any minimal prompting, I swear I am PMS without being PMS - that poor kid has been through so much and a whole new friggin, journey has begun.

The rest of the weekend was really good, we spent Shabbas at Josh's dad's house with Ryan, his 16 year old niece, and his stepsister was there with her 5 kids (they live in Israel), she is very observant and it was quite something seeing the havoc before the shabbas of getting six people ready and food for the next 24 hours made, getting the house ready for shabbat was quite something. After dinner we packed Ry into the car, broke her doctors orders, and took her for sorbet ice cream, we sat in the back of the jeep at a really funky ice cream place reminiscent of the dollshouse outside Johannesburg in South Africa where people just hang out around their cars eating ice cream, it was so nice, she just revelled in the attention, it was like we turned a switch she had verbal diahherea and did not take a breath as she asked a million questions and told a million stories. She really is such a great kid and I have to say I just find her so kind and so sweet, which makes the whole ordeal even worse.

Saturday I went to have my hair cut, its the second time I have donated my hair to an organization that makes wigs for kids who have cancer or are burn victims - the organization I chose this time was www.locksoflove.org I went to the foo-foo-est salon in our neighbourhood where haircuts start at $50 without a blowdry, its called i d salon. My hair was going to be short, short, short and I really needed someone who knew what they were doing to cut it. The owner did it and she was amazing, she did an incredible job and then to top it off becauseI was donating it she did not charge me. I was really touched by her generosity and on top of the tough morning I had with Ryan at the doctors office I just burst into tears.

The kids spent the night at my folks and Josh and I spent an enjoyable evening with another couple, we went out for dinner and then had iced coffee's on the boardwalk at the beach.

Sunday we stopped at an incredible brazillian restaurant bought obscene amounts of chicken, rice and salad, took it to my cousin Darren's house where the kids played and we just had such a lekker (great) day hanging out together. Darren and his wife Laura bought a house last year and have fixed it up, wow is all I can say it looks unbelievable, they even put a home movie theatre in it with awesome chairs and surround sound, a big screen, projectors, etc. It is something to be seen.

Were it not for the heavy heart about Ryan it would have een a fabulous weekend, but it really has been hard to get past it. My one friend tried to make me see that it is just food, but she does not have kids and does not realize what it means to be 7 and have everyone around you allowed to eat a ton of stuff that you can't and everyday you feel alienated from your peers. I feel so sad for her and for what she has to go through on a daily basis. They say what does not kill you makes you stronger, but a piece of me died watching her go through this.

Later in the day

It finally dawned on me why this was so hard to bear, its Ryan, she just accepts her lot. She does not fight me kicking and screaming objecting all the way. She just accepts that this is how it has to be, it saddens her and she just takes it. It breaks my heart because I know its her complete trust in me that allows her to trust what we say so whole heartedly, how do I tell her I am not sure, how do I tell her I just don't know but this is all I can offer for now. How do Itell her that this is the way when I am not quite sure myself?? How did I end up with this precious sweet kid in my heart and in my home? How can I be trusted to make it all right when I just am not sure what to do??

No mom's guilt on this one.

When I was a stay at home mom I felt so guilty everytime I did something for myself, I think part of it was my job was the kids and that job was never done. Last night I played Mah Jongg with 4 other women 3 of us work and 2 of them stay at home with the kids. It was interesting because those of us who work felt entitled to our time alone, I was telling them about my hectic day I had planned for today, for my birthday last year a group of my friends had bought me a gift certificate to a spa so this afternoon I am using it and I decided to make a day of it - full pampered day. The stay at home moms were horrified, they barely get out of the house for the weekly Mah Jongg game let alone a full day of pampering. I feel entitled and deserving of it, its a long week and while I certainly do not get to spend as much time with my kids as they do, I feel we manage to spend plenty of quality time. I used to feel trapped by being at home, by nightfall I was ready to jump out a window, now I am still frazzled by a hectic schedule but I enjoy my time with my kids so much more, it feels like a treat. I will play hooky from work when they are home from school for vacation and we can do fun stuff. It feels exciting for both of us.

I have tons of guilt on so many topics when it comes to my kids, thankfully this is not one of them. I feel empowered by what I do and I feel its my responsibility as a mother to teach my girls how to be a content in their lives outside their families and define who they are. Let them find what works for them because my best advice that a friend of mine's mom gave me was happy mothers make happy kids.

The aftermath.............

Monday morning and we are dazed and confused. For those of you who don't know me and my parenting style, I am not the laid back let it go with the flow kinda gal and one of my strictest regiments is bedtime - both kids are in bed by 7pm, Nikki usually conks out pretty soon after that, and Ryan will read in bed for between half and hour and an hour and then go to sleep. Yesterday we had a friends 40th birthday party at our house, it really went well, people came at 11am and did not leave until 10:30pm. We had such a great time, the kids all played so well together that we dinkum had no idea how late it was.

I can't believe how awesome it feels to sleep until 7:20am - without the pitter patter of little feet by 6am as my usual alarm clock. Had to get both girls up and dressed and let me tell you, the bright eyed bouncy raring to go girls are so dazed and confused, Nikki wants to go to camp in her PJ's. Guess the first round of swimming at camp will wake them up with a vengance.

Besides organizing for the party and me cleaning up my office so no-one will actually think we are slobs, we had a pretty laid back weekend. I left Josh organizing the tent and setting up the backyard for the big bash and went to see a the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt movie, Mr and Mrs Smith , I have to say I loved it. It was just what I needed, something completely entertaining, no need to think about plots or really follow anything. Their chemistry is amazing and I must say she is really the most stunning woman I have ever seen.

London Terrors

Like everyone else I am reeling from the bomb blasts in London. I get so crazed by these terrorists, I understand fighting for a cause, but to declare war on the masses who go about their everyday lives. No that I don't understand. How can they see that as a victory? When will this madness end? When can I undo the knot of fear that is always present in the pit of my stomach?

A thousand Nightmares
A million dreams
Amidst the terror
A thousand screams
Hold your love ones
Squeeze them tight
Hold them close
In the still of the night

Terrorism is the name of the game
Since September 11th
The world has never been the same.

We try to move forward
Make strides in the sand
Until the clock stops
In another land

Filled with terror
Filled with fear
Get the "all safe"
From all those we hold dear.

Our thoughts are with you
As are our prayers
As you guide your loved ones up the stairs
Tuck them in for another restless night
With this persistent evil force
Who hides in their shadow,
anonimity is the way they fight.

Be safe
Be well
As we all replay the newsflashes of hell

Food ... the gift of love

Food is the very essence of who we are, we are defined by our cuisine, different ethnic groups are drawn together by the recipes they share. As a parent one of the basic gifts we give our children is food, from nursing to cooking their favourite treats, it is one of the ways we express our love for them. Being a Jewish mother I get a certain joy from feeding my jkids different foods, from creating meals I know that they will enjoy. From letting their palates experience the globe from our table. With Ryan's dietary restrictions, it is so hard for me to try and give her the culinary love I want to give her, there are times I want to just throw them in the car and head for the local ice cream palor and watch them devour a mountain of icecream, or pick up a candy treat or have them bake cookies with me like my mom and Grandmother did with me. Keeping Ryan's birthday low sugar was a challenge unto itself. She wants desperately to take cupcakes into camp and to indulge but I feel I just can't take the chance on her indulging and have some poor inexperienced counselors having to deal with the consequences. As a mother, a Jewish food obsessed mother I feel cheated, I feel cheated out of the joy of nourishing her spirit and not just her body. Yes we make fruit salad together or salads but we don't get our hands caught in cookie dough and lick the bowl of icing, kids covered in chocolate. Some of my fondest memories are making cupcakes with my grandmother with the silver balls on top, making yom tov cookies with my mom, the kids all had their own dough to roll out and decorate them as we wished.

I miss that experience with her. I miss being able to dig into that memory bank. I miss the carefree abandon of being 7, of the freedom of food, when it is eaten for pleasure not just sustenance where no calories are counted, no protein watched, no sugar passed up because being 7 does not give you much freedom but it gives you those pleasures. Pleasures she has been deprived from, and it makes me sad, for her and for what we are misiing.

Jewish guilt trip over for the moment.

Wow is all I can say

Had an amazing experience on Sunday. I have been most fortunate in connecting with moms from Nikki's pre-K group, of the moms there are a few who I have just bonded with on a real friendship level that is so rare for me to find here and I am so grateful for. One of these moms is my friend Loren the other is Stacey, unbeknownst to me, Loren and Stacey are best of friends, I had no idea they were so connected. Stacey and I have made our own connection, Loren and I as well. All of us not knowing that the other two were so closely connected until Sunday when we went to Stacey's 4th of July party and its like the circle closed. It was wild all of us feeling a bond with each other and finally putting it into place.

Stacey's party was another homecoming, not only did she put on a feast acknowledging her Jewish and her husbands Italian genes which kick into feed the guests with the most delicious food until they explode but they have connected with a group of people who all have spirit, views and are grounded, people I can talk to, and connect with. What a pleasure. I did not see Josh nor the kids for the entire day - the kids were in a play frenzy, in their pool, tree house, and the fact that she has horses completely enthralled Ryan. The kids were all on the same wavelength and except for the minor boo-boo there were no tears, no fights, they were all like minded souls. It is rare to have almost 40 people together and they all vibe. For me it felt like home and it just made me stop and appreciate how fortunate I am to have met the people I have. It took so long to find and boy did I have to go through many starts and stops but when I meet people who get me - it just sends me to another head space completely, I honestly did not think it would ever happen on Long Island but feel so grateful that it did.

I just love having all my satelite sisters around the country and around the globe, not sure what I would do without them, feel grateful to now have some in my own backyard.

4th of July

The 4th of July is an interesting weekend, signifying the American Holiday of Independence, yet I see Americans are shackled by the disposable soceity they have created. Reaching for th gold and restricted by their freedoms. No-one can joke with opposite sex for fear of a sexual discrimination lawsuit. I see people up to their eyeballs in debt trying to achieve the american dream, although I think the original dream was a car in every garage and a chicken on every stove - or something like that. Not strive for the max. out do your neighbor before he out does you.

We have had a really great weekend so far, we had Josh's dad, his step-mom and my parents over for shabbas dinner. It is always exhausting to pull together but so much a part of the traditions I want to pass on to my girls. Unfortuately it was a hectic week, the end of the month can be gruelling in my profession with closings packed one on top of the other, this was one of those weekes. The girls started their first week of camp, they had a great time, they bloody well better :)

Saturday was Ryan's actual birthday. Wow what a day it was, my friend Loren dropped her two girls off at me for the day - we went to the movies (saw Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D), did lunch, had an American Girl teaparty at our house afterwards ( www.americangirlplace.com ) with crafts and birthday cake that I saved from Ry's party. We bought Ry oodles of stuff for her Marisol doll that she had earned from her visits to Dr. Lally. We did great with stuff from e-bay and had one happy little chappy (or is that chippy?) It is so wonderful when my two girls connect with two other kids and I have to say I love when Cami and Kate are with them, they are such great kids, really well mannered and chilled out. So down to earth and unpretentious, just like their folks. I have such a special place in my heart for them and consider Loren part of the special group of women who are my satelite sisters, fortunately she is a lot closer to home.

My parents did their own special birthday celebration for Ryan on Saturday night with KFC for dinner and a sleep over of note. Josh and I packed the jeep went out for an unbelievable sushi dinner and went off roading on the beach - he has a special permit. We set up our chairs with drinks and snacks and watched the sun set above the waves. Once the sunset there were tons of firwork displays around the shoreline we had the perfect seat to watch the most awesome displays of American Patriotism. Wow.

Sunday was the best my folks kept the kids for the day, they went swimming, did crafts, played with the doggies, Josh left early for a whole day of offroading in Poughkeepsie with his step-brother, Rob and I had the day to myself. Cooked a bit, shopped a bit and cuddled up on the sofa to watch 7 years in Tibet with Brad Pitt. I am not a Brad Pitt fan, his body is awesome but he has never really catptured any part of my fantasy. He was awesome in the movie and if you have not watched it may I strongly suggest that you do. It was unlike anything I imagined it to be and I found it really enchanting, gripping and the perfect movie for the perfect horizontal day.

Today we will pack up and head out to a friend of mine's house, she lives in a huge house, she is doing a huge bbq, she is Jewish, her husband Italian, you have to know there is more food then you can imagine. Her daughter and Nikki have gone to pre-K together and i have to say they are part of this magical group we have been lucky enough to meet. Looking forward to it with gusto.

Steam Train

How do I tell you all I need to say,
Do I start off slowly,
Or wait for another Day?
Do I set up the perfect setting,
Or do I keep "forgetting"?
Let me say it loud and clear
before the time passes.
Relax, sit back,
put on your rose tinted glasses.
Never one good with words,
I slowly pull my punches,
tearing at your heart extracting tiny bunches.
Dare I say it,
Yes it true
But somethings are best left unsaid,
Rather let them run around on the steam train in my head.