Not such a great time......
It has not been a great weekend, I find I am just not coping well. Ryan has started with a new doctor after her other doctor just dropped all his patients after his wife had a baby. Here was a kid who was so invested in him, based on his word only she gave up candy and ice cream for the summer, along with a whole host of other goodies. We started with a new kinesiologist on Saturday and her diet makes the previous diet appear to be generous, I have to say I just lost it after the visit, I literally had no idea what to feed my child. We came out of there with a diet based soley on chicken, turkey, rice, a few vegetable and a few fruits. That's it. The list of no's had grown to include corn, potato, eggs, beef, on top of the no dairy, no soy, no sugar restrictions. I have really been able to keep it together for the most part but Saturday I just lost it, I called a friend of mine who has severe dietary restritions and she gave me some suggestions but was also struck by the severity ofher diet. I took Ryan back to the doctor yesterday to try and get some direction, I managed to find a few things she could add into it like dairy free chocolate chips, tapioca powder, maple syrup and coconut. After work yesterday, Josh and I cooked for hours making meat balls, chicken, pancakes and cookies - they were not terrible. I called my mom from the supermarket hyserical as I had no shortening to add, no vegetable oil because of the soy and corn, no butter or margerine because of the dairy, soy or corn, thank goodness my mom remembered sunflower oil - which we have not tested but olive oil was just not going to cut it for pancakes. I think people seeing the hysterical woman in the oil aisle must have thought I was a complete wack job. She has a ton more options now, I am still shellshocked and can burst into tears with any minimal prompting, I swear I am PMS without being PMS - that poor kid has been through so much and a whole new friggin, journey has begun.
The rest of the weekend was really good, we spent Shabbas at Josh's dad's house with Ryan, his 16 year old niece, and his stepsister was there with her 5 kids (they live in Israel), she is very observant and it was quite something seeing the havoc before the shabbas of getting six people ready and food for the next 24 hours made, getting the house ready for shabbat was quite something. After dinner we packed Ry into the car, broke her doctors orders, and took her for sorbet ice cream, we sat in the back of the jeep at a really funky ice cream place reminiscent of the dollshouse outside Johannesburg in South Africa where people just hang out around their cars eating ice cream, it was so nice, she just revelled in the attention, it was like we turned a switch she had verbal diahherea and did not take a breath as she asked a million questions and told a million stories. She really is such a great kid and I have to say I just find her so kind and so sweet, which makes the whole ordeal even worse.
Saturday I went to have my hair cut, its the second time I have donated my hair to an organization that makes wigs for kids who have cancer or are burn victims - the organization I chose this time was www.locksoflove.org I went to the foo-foo-est salon in our neighbourhood where haircuts start at $50 without a blowdry, its called i d salon. My hair was going to be short, short, short and I really needed someone who knew what they were doing to cut it. The owner did it and she was amazing, she did an incredible job and then to top it off becauseI was donating it she did not charge me. I was really touched by her generosity and on top of the tough morning I had with Ryan at the doctors office I just burst into tears.
The kids spent the night at my folks and Josh and I spent an enjoyable evening with another couple, we went out for dinner and then had iced coffee's on the boardwalk at the beach.
Sunday we stopped at an incredible brazillian restaurant bought obscene amounts of chicken, rice and salad, took it to my cousin Darren's house where the kids played and we just had such a lekker (great) day hanging out together. Darren and his wife Laura bought a house last year and have fixed it up, wow is all I can say it looks unbelievable, they even put a home movie theatre in it with awesome chairs and surround sound, a big screen, projectors, etc. It is something to be seen.
Were it not for the heavy heart about Ryan it would have een a fabulous weekend, but it really has been hard to get past it. My one friend tried to make me see that it is just food, but she does not have kids and does not realize what it means to be 7 and have everyone around you allowed to eat a ton of stuff that you can't and everyday you feel alienated from your peers. I feel so sad for her and for what she has to go through on a daily basis. They say what does not kill you makes you stronger, but a piece of me died watching her go through this.
Later in the day
It finally dawned on me why this was so hard to bear, its Ryan, she just accepts her lot. She does not fight me kicking and screaming objecting all the way. She just accepts that this is how it has to be, it saddens her and she just takes it. It breaks my heart because I know its her complete trust in me that allows her to trust what we say so whole heartedly, how do I tell her I am not sure, how do I tell her I just don't know but this is all I can offer for now. How do Itell her that this is the way when I am not quite sure myself?? How did I end up with this precious sweet kid in my heart and in my home? How can I be trusted to make it all right when I just am not sure what to do??
The rest of the weekend was really good, we spent Shabbas at Josh's dad's house with Ryan, his 16 year old niece, and his stepsister was there with her 5 kids (they live in Israel), she is very observant and it was quite something seeing the havoc before the shabbas of getting six people ready and food for the next 24 hours made, getting the house ready for shabbat was quite something. After dinner we packed Ry into the car, broke her doctors orders, and took her for sorbet ice cream, we sat in the back of the jeep at a really funky ice cream place reminiscent of the dollshouse outside Johannesburg in South Africa where people just hang out around their cars eating ice cream, it was so nice, she just revelled in the attention, it was like we turned a switch she had verbal diahherea and did not take a breath as she asked a million questions and told a million stories. She really is such a great kid and I have to say I just find her so kind and so sweet, which makes the whole ordeal even worse.
Saturday I went to have my hair cut, its the second time I have donated my hair to an organization that makes wigs for kids who have cancer or are burn victims - the organization I chose this time was www.locksoflove.org I went to the foo-foo-est salon in our neighbourhood where haircuts start at $50 without a blowdry, its called i d salon. My hair was going to be short, short, short and I really needed someone who knew what they were doing to cut it. The owner did it and she was amazing, she did an incredible job and then to top it off becauseI was donating it she did not charge me. I was really touched by her generosity and on top of the tough morning I had with Ryan at the doctors office I just burst into tears.
The kids spent the night at my folks and Josh and I spent an enjoyable evening with another couple, we went out for dinner and then had iced coffee's on the boardwalk at the beach.
Sunday we stopped at an incredible brazillian restaurant bought obscene amounts of chicken, rice and salad, took it to my cousin Darren's house where the kids played and we just had such a lekker (great) day hanging out together. Darren and his wife Laura bought a house last year and have fixed it up, wow is all I can say it looks unbelievable, they even put a home movie theatre in it with awesome chairs and surround sound, a big screen, projectors, etc. It is something to be seen.
Were it not for the heavy heart about Ryan it would have een a fabulous weekend, but it really has been hard to get past it. My one friend tried to make me see that it is just food, but she does not have kids and does not realize what it means to be 7 and have everyone around you allowed to eat a ton of stuff that you can't and everyday you feel alienated from your peers. I feel so sad for her and for what she has to go through on a daily basis. They say what does not kill you makes you stronger, but a piece of me died watching her go through this.
Later in the day
It finally dawned on me why this was so hard to bear, its Ryan, she just accepts her lot. She does not fight me kicking and screaming objecting all the way. She just accepts that this is how it has to be, it saddens her and she just takes it. It breaks my heart because I know its her complete trust in me that allows her to trust what we say so whole heartedly, how do I tell her I am not sure, how do I tell her I just don't know but this is all I can offer for now. How do Itell her that this is the way when I am not quite sure myself?? How did I end up with this precious sweet kid in my heart and in my home? How can I be trusted to make it all right when I just am not sure what to do??
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