Apartheid ends....
I often wonder how I will answer the really tough question my kids will one day have in store for me. Not the ones about sex, drugs and rock n’ roll, those are easy. I wonder how I will answer when asked about my childhood, growing up under apartheid and not doing much about it. How do I explain to them that I enjoyed a fantasy life under a brutal regime while so many others suffered greatly? How do I, the person who is supposed to teach them right from wrong, explain the injustices around me that I knew were going on and did not do anything to stop it. How do I explain the power of one voice when I never used mine? I definitely went through what was termed “white guilt”. The first time I was exposed to the horrors of Apartheid was at the Jewish Youth Camp I attended. We were all indoctrinated with the ideals of Zionism and the horrors of Apartheid.
I remember being nominated with my sister to attend a group called the “You and I” Club, She must have been in Standard 8 (equivalent of Tenth Grade in the States) and I was 3 years behind her. This group was held on a weekend over a few days and the object was to get kids from South Africa to integrate with kids of different races and religions. It was a wild experience. Both her and I were in the drama section, it was quite an eye opener as we had NEVER had the opportunity to be with people of colour on a level playing field. One of the modules we had to do was where we spoke about getting our wildest dreams, it was so powerful because I still remember being so shocked, all us sheltered white kids were asking for the latest toys, and the black kids wanted the basics like shoes and school books. I remember feeling like water had been thrown on me it was such a shock that people did not have those basics that I took completely for granted. I would love to say we made friends and crossed the barriers that were set in place but we never did.
A few years later I was nominated for Junior Achievement and was chosen to be the Managing Director of the company we had set up. Once again it was the mixing of people who normally are not mixed but had been selected for whatever reason from their schools. The school had to send 2 nominees but only a limited number of kids from the whole province were accepted. Once again I was in a position to learn about the differences, we had to start by deciding on a product to sell and surprise, surprise the white kids went with esoteric stuff while the black kids felt there was a market to supply basic needs. The white kids being the majority and privy to the most disposable income we won and made screen painted beach towels, we were incredibly successful and we had a great team. It was such a rare glimpse into the other world but we never did invite each other over for a play date or tea, we never did cross the barriers.
There are so many wild stories and so many experiences that all us ex-SA’s have had on either end of Apartheid and one day I will write them out just to see them and remember them so my kids can see the other side of my life, the side outside of the relative safety of Long Island . So they too can capture part of my youth. Yesterday we spent the day with Josh’s dad who wants to take us on a trip down memory lane to the Bronx, to see where he and all the other American kids of Jewish and Italian immigrants grew up. I look forward to his nostalgic trip because it is a trip I can never take with my Grandparents to the shtels they grew up in or the places they learned the hard lessons of life as new immigrants in South Africa. These were questions one never asked and sadness was not discussed, diseases were whispered for fear of if they were spoken aloud they would ravage your body or the ones you love. I have so many questions for those I love and am no longer around. I wonder if they would have stood up to the questioning as I will one day have to do with my kids. I am sure many a German hausfrau was asked by he child why she stood by and let the Holocaust happen, how it was that she did not know of the extermination camps. Like the Hausfrau I know what it is like to live in a world of censorship without freedom of speech.
I too did not know a lot and the truth and reconciliation trials certainly opened many eyes, but my eyes were only half closed. I did not know the extend but I did know there was something wrong. Many gave their lives to free others, that is not someone I would be, I am not a hero, a leader, one to pave the way for humanity. Just a girl in a world that she did not truly understand. I hope that is enough for them, and for me.
I remember being nominated with my sister to attend a group called the “You and I” Club, She must have been in Standard 8 (equivalent of Tenth Grade in the States) and I was 3 years behind her. This group was held on a weekend over a few days and the object was to get kids from South Africa to integrate with kids of different races and religions. It was a wild experience. Both her and I were in the drama section, it was quite an eye opener as we had NEVER had the opportunity to be with people of colour on a level playing field. One of the modules we had to do was where we spoke about getting our wildest dreams, it was so powerful because I still remember being so shocked, all us sheltered white kids were asking for the latest toys, and the black kids wanted the basics like shoes and school books. I remember feeling like water had been thrown on me it was such a shock that people did not have those basics that I took completely for granted. I would love to say we made friends and crossed the barriers that were set in place but we never did.
A few years later I was nominated for Junior Achievement and was chosen to be the Managing Director of the company we had set up. Once again it was the mixing of people who normally are not mixed but had been selected for whatever reason from their schools. The school had to send 2 nominees but only a limited number of kids from the whole province were accepted. Once again I was in a position to learn about the differences, we had to start by deciding on a product to sell and surprise, surprise the white kids went with esoteric stuff while the black kids felt there was a market to supply basic needs. The white kids being the majority and privy to the most disposable income we won and made screen painted beach towels, we were incredibly successful and we had a great team. It was such a rare glimpse into the other world but we never did invite each other over for a play date or tea, we never did cross the barriers.
There are so many wild stories and so many experiences that all us ex-SA’s have had on either end of Apartheid and one day I will write them out just to see them and remember them so my kids can see the other side of my life, the side outside of the relative safety of Long Island . So they too can capture part of my youth. Yesterday we spent the day with Josh’s dad who wants to take us on a trip down memory lane to the Bronx, to see where he and all the other American kids of Jewish and Italian immigrants grew up. I look forward to his nostalgic trip because it is a trip I can never take with my Grandparents to the shtels they grew up in or the places they learned the hard lessons of life as new immigrants in South Africa. These were questions one never asked and sadness was not discussed, diseases were whispered for fear of if they were spoken aloud they would ravage your body or the ones you love. I have so many questions for those I love and am no longer around. I wonder if they would have stood up to the questioning as I will one day have to do with my kids. I am sure many a German hausfrau was asked by he child why she stood by and let the Holocaust happen, how it was that she did not know of the extermination camps. Like the Hausfrau I know what it is like to live in a world of censorship without freedom of speech.
I too did not know a lot and the truth and reconciliation trials certainly opened many eyes, but my eyes were only half closed. I did not know the extend but I did know there was something wrong. Many gave their lives to free others, that is not someone I would be, I am not a hero, a leader, one to pave the way for humanity. Just a girl in a world that she did not truly understand. I hope that is enough for them, and for me.
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