June 10th, 1993

It was almost 12 years ago that I left my family, my friends and my life. Packed up my belongings into two suitcases, boarded a flight for New York. It seems like a million years ago. I never imagined what would start out as an adventure would change my life forever. Since that time I often ponder the power of small decisions, those mini moments. What would have happened if I had not been listening to the Radio that day when the PAC was declaring that they had one settler one bullet, had I not had to venture into Kempton Park with two white students during the state of emergency, had I not gone to the Boksburg town council meeting that night. The far right adamant that they would fight until the end. Too much for one day, far too much to process at 24, far too much to see. Start over in South Africa, or start with a new adventure, a new place a new life, a new opportunity. One decision so many lives altered.

Josh and I would not have met, he never had a passport before he met me. He never had a love for travel. He is now Mr. Adventure. He would not have a relationship with his father if it were not for me. My parents would be safetly ensonced in South Africa. I am not sure where exactly I would be or if Heid would have ventured to this side of the ocean.

One decision paved the way for so many other decisions.

One rash, impulsive decision, most probably my first, changed the course of my life forever. I can't imagine living any other way and am so grateful for where I am today, hard as it was, and oh my word I don't think I could survive something like that again, but now 12 years later, all is well in my world. My two precious little girls are fast asleep next door dreaming their princess dreams, my man is out and about doing his thing and I am in my office alone with my thoughts, the runaway train that swirls through my mind at times exhausts me. Every decision is the right one they say and I guess "they" know what they are talking about, guess there is no way of knowing what if ...........................

I think having Andi and Lisa here transports me back to a time before, a time that no longer exists. It just felt so safe and that it would be there for ever. I was chatting to Andi and discussing oing to late Night Als in Bruma, Bruma lake is gone. People left, landmarks gone, we are planning on an extended holiday there next year over our summer, I wonder if it will feel like home or like a world I don't quite recognize. All I know is when I reconnect with mense from my past, my pace slows down, my heart beats faster and my smile widens.