The day.............
So the day began with a grumpy Nikki - should have known right there and then to turn around, get in tune with my inner child or reconnect with a fantasy life I have not visited for a while. Instead I got up and embraced the day. Answered my cell, second mistake. We need you to not do the piss easy refinance we had you scheduled to do today but instead need you to do a really complicated purchase for a baseball player who is buying a multimillion dollar home and you will make no money off of it. Why thank you. Oh and by the way the attorney representing the seller has NEVER done this before so you have to hold her hand. Did I say thank you?
Arrive at the closing at 2pm. Wait. Wait. Wait. 2:30pm my cell rings, its the Title Company. The sellers attorney just called the closing has been postponed to 3:30pm. Luckily I live around the corner so pop home, finish cooking for the mammoth party we are having on Saturday, chow on a spot of lunch and a cap literally flies out of my mouth - does the ten second rule apply to something that was actually a part of my mouth and then became airborne?? Should have called in sick or toothless, called the closing a bust and crawled back into bed. Nope went to it like an idiot. The documents had not arrived, the money was not in. The sellers attorney had prepared two deeds, both of them wrong. Pretty impressive to mess up one deed but both, wow that is a very impressive feat. Cut paste, correct the deed. She comes in begging me to not let on to her client that she has no clue as to what is going on or she will lose her job as he is her bosses best friend.
I cover her saggy arse. G-d she is annoying. The bank attorney is luckily someone I can laugh with and we decide the sellers attorney is an ancient old crow with dried up ovaries to find out she is roughly our age and has 9 year old twins, boy that is scary stuff. The bank attorney whispers to me "imagine having sex with that? I hope it was artificial insemination!" I now have to face her and the closing all the while making sure I can sound out intelligible sounding sentences as my missing tooth really makes my tongue catch in the groove.
7pm the closing ends - still no money so I have to head back tomorrow. Rush to the dentist. He has a million questions about the baseball player who is supposedly a big deal, I have never heard of him. Then again what the hell do I know. I have my teeth back in place, the day is over and tomorrow will hopefully yield a much better day.
Arrive at the closing at 2pm. Wait. Wait. Wait. 2:30pm my cell rings, its the Title Company. The sellers attorney just called the closing has been postponed to 3:30pm. Luckily I live around the corner so pop home, finish cooking for the mammoth party we are having on Saturday, chow on a spot of lunch and a cap literally flies out of my mouth - does the ten second rule apply to something that was actually a part of my mouth and then became airborne?? Should have called in sick or toothless, called the closing a bust and crawled back into bed. Nope went to it like an idiot. The documents had not arrived, the money was not in. The sellers attorney had prepared two deeds, both of them wrong. Pretty impressive to mess up one deed but both, wow that is a very impressive feat. Cut paste, correct the deed. She comes in begging me to not let on to her client that she has no clue as to what is going on or she will lose her job as he is her bosses best friend.
I cover her saggy arse. G-d she is annoying. The bank attorney is luckily someone I can laugh with and we decide the sellers attorney is an ancient old crow with dried up ovaries to find out she is roughly our age and has 9 year old twins, boy that is scary stuff. The bank attorney whispers to me "imagine having sex with that? I hope it was artificial insemination!" I now have to face her and the closing all the while making sure I can sound out intelligible sounding sentences as my missing tooth really makes my tongue catch in the groove.
7pm the closing ends - still no money so I have to head back tomorrow. Rush to the dentist. He has a million questions about the baseball player who is supposedly a big deal, I have never heard of him. Then again what the hell do I know. I have my teeth back in place, the day is over and tomorrow will hopefully yield a much better day.
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