Ageism
Meeting Josh was an unbelievable experience for me. I had never had anyone in my life who loved me as much as him. He was (and sometimes still is) oblivious to my faults. Obviously I point his out with exact measure and not often with a lot of care. Not really sure why he puts up with it sometimes even how he puts up with me. My friend Deb was trying to coax me to be nicer, as soon as her husband arrives she makes a whole fanfare and rushes to greet him. Its not in me - sorry sweetie. Wish I could put my life on hold and go running to meet you but thats what one gets a German Shepperd for. For those who do not know my hubby, he is not exactly the easiest guy in the room and his idiosyncrasies are vast and varied, but there should be an award with his name floating around for putting up with me.
One of the scariest things early on in our courship, next to him declaring on the second time we met that we would be married (and I had yet to even agree to go on a date with him)was when he told me that he wanted to grow old with me. I did not particularly relish the idea of growing old, let alone having someone along for the ride. Age is a funny thing the older you get the smaller the numbers seem. I remember my 20's and early 30's where 40 seemed so old. Now that I am tapping at 40's door it seems incredibly young. When I was younger I used to harbour a fantasy of going back in time and getting to know my parents at the age I was, to hang out with a 20 year old Ruth or Jack and find out who they were. I know that as their daughter I can never see that side that they have to hide, the side I keep in check around my girls. Sure I can get silly but hey there are things in my past that are best let laid to rest. Not that I was wild or wicked but its just best kept as blackmail between friends. I guess my folks have their own demons, like my dad who most of the people he hung out with ended up dead or in jail, hmmmm guess I don't really want to know. Or shy blushing Ruth would most probably annoyed the hell out of me. These are the portraits they painted of themselves, I wonder who I would have seen?
I am not ready to rush into being 60 or 70 but I feel OK with where I am at. I am so grateful to have not lived a grey life to have experienced so much and met so many people. The journey is far from over but I am enjoying the ride.
One of the scariest things early on in our courship, next to him declaring on the second time we met that we would be married (and I had yet to even agree to go on a date with him)was when he told me that he wanted to grow old with me. I did not particularly relish the idea of growing old, let alone having someone along for the ride. Age is a funny thing the older you get the smaller the numbers seem. I remember my 20's and early 30's where 40 seemed so old. Now that I am tapping at 40's door it seems incredibly young. When I was younger I used to harbour a fantasy of going back in time and getting to know my parents at the age I was, to hang out with a 20 year old Ruth or Jack and find out who they were. I know that as their daughter I can never see that side that they have to hide, the side I keep in check around my girls. Sure I can get silly but hey there are things in my past that are best let laid to rest. Not that I was wild or wicked but its just best kept as blackmail between friends. I guess my folks have their own demons, like my dad who most of the people he hung out with ended up dead or in jail, hmmmm guess I don't really want to know. Or shy blushing Ruth would most probably annoyed the hell out of me. These are the portraits they painted of themselves, I wonder who I would have seen?
I am not ready to rush into being 60 or 70 but I feel OK with where I am at. I am so grateful to have not lived a grey life to have experienced so much and met so many people. The journey is far from over but I am enjoying the ride.
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