Home at last

Emmigration was really tough for me. I found that I had been beaten to a place that I did not even know existed. Who knew I could ever feel so low? The most telling comments have been from friends who I had not been in contact with and had re-connected with on www.sareunited.com their opening comments without fail were: what major corporation are you running? There was no doubt in their mind that I could ever fail and none in mine. I remember feeling infalliable. Remember going forward and not looking back, truly driven. New York was greater then me and the people here were odd for want of a better word. I could not relate to their insulated view of themselves, kill or be killed. I was driven but had compassion, knew how to live, how to laugh. One of the companies I worked for, I was constantly reprimanded because I caused to much motion, used to invigorating those around me, I could not switch off what had been my magic in South Africa. The first company I worked for forbade anyone from socializing with me for fear that I was a spy from the mother company who had transfered me there. I was truly alone. It was a weird place for me to be after always being surrounded by friends and family. Always being so close to my parents, speaking to them everyday, even to this day no matter where they are I speak to them everyday. I remember my first weekend in Manhattan, in my tiny apartment that cost more a month then some families earned a month (taking the exchange rate into account). I walked around the streets, pretty broke, but envigorated, ready to take on Manhattan. It was exciting but lonely, I remember thinking how if anything happened to me no-one would find out for weeks, I had no long distance so had been out of touch with my folks, if I never arrived for work on Monday they would assume I was flighty and would not think anything of it. I purchased a $5.00 bear I named Shnook E. Bear. Shnooky bear was my first friend in New York, to this day he is our secret weapon, when the kids have bad dreams or can't find their special sleep pals, we pull Shnook E. out of retirement and he comforts them as he did with me. It took me 10 years to finally settle into NY to finally feel like it is home, to not wake up longing for a place that I called home, a place that no longer exists. The friends I had, the places we frequented, those are long gone, people have scattered around the globe, all we have are the memories of those times and those precious visits where we get to howl with laughter over the silliness that was our lives and the adventures we took.

Many times after a trip to Florida I would come back to NY and feel so dissatisfied, long for the quieter life, surrounded by the ocean. Hard to believe that I lived on Islands the whole time I have been in the states - Long Island and Manhattan.

This trip was different, I finally feel like I am home, I finally settled into my princess bed, cuddled up in my duvet and knew there was nowhere else that I wanted to be. I am so grateful to feel that way. What a long road getting there, but I am finally here.