Brotter_Blogger

Kids and camp

2008-06-26T08:28:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow my girls leave me for 4 WHOLE weeks. I have not stopped eating. Josh and I live a low carb lifestyle, I have done so for years and he for the past 2 years. Not so for the past 3 weeks. Camp is around the corner and I am so stressed out, I can't think about it without being teary eyed. My girls. These little cratures that I adore, away from me for solong. Can't bear the thought of it. I am so happy for them for the adventure that awaits them - I loved my days a Habonim Camp.

My friend Loren and I were consoling each other about the impending departure of our babies and she said there must be a support group for mom's whose kids go to sleepaway camp - I said there is. Really she wanted to know - yes, its called Overeaters Anon :)

Its funny because it goes so against the common culture here, in NY, people can't wait for their kids to go to camp and while I have to say I barely have any free evenings until they get back I feel lost without them. Loren and I both work crazy hours and there is a good part of everyday that is devoted to juggling and organizing our kids and their lives between all that we do. My brain automatically goes there even when they are far away. There are also those early morning shnuggles, little people, little bodies, pressed against me, just hugging and loving - until Nikki gets a bout of mommy kiss-a-litis and she covers my face in tiny soggy kisses. It would be a lot better if it was not at 6am but it is my favorite thing to do. Shnuggletime. Guess Josh and I will have that shnuggletime, although he knows full well that he takes his life in his hands if he dares to wake me up in the morning :)

Far too long....................

2008-06-24T21:19:00.003-04:00

It's been a long time. A very long time. Unable to dedicate time to my blog for so long. Been almost a year actually. When I returned from my trip to South Africa, my trip to the motherland, I put the time and effort into my kids and my home that the computer was taking from them. I never realized how much time I spent on it until I unplugged for 6 weeks and reconnected with my girls in a way that will hopefully bond us forever.

That trip changed my life in so many ways. Before I left I hankered for my beloved country, I longed for the sights and sounds of Africa, for the warmth of her people and the beauty of her lands. Before I left, Josh was annoying me, I hated Long Island, NY (where I live) and my house was a dump. I went on the trip, could not wait to come home, the place I loved and longed for was gone, finished, I came back, My house is a castle, Josh is my prince and I never want to live anywhere else. I let go of the dream and embraced my reality and life has soared from there. I have made amazing friends and have the social life I missed for so long. The summer is accounted for and it hasn't even started yet - I love that!

The girls are getting bigger. They are such delightful little souls, I can't believe how much fun we have together and am so grateful for our trip, two years ago that changed the course of our lives and attitudes forever. Its funny, my feet are firmly planted in NY, they had a taste of Africa and they yearn to go back, talk about it often. I am not sure if its the place as much a sthe idea of 6 weeks with Mom, just us. 6 weeks of being able to be a kid in a way that America does not allow them to be? Or maybe it's just the magic of South Africa, that still captures everyone who steps into the warmth of its weather and the people who have weathered so much?

The long road to recovery............

2007-08-22T15:56:00.000-04:00

I hate whining but whine I gotta. Its been a rough few months. The hardest being my dad was finally discharged after having a triple bypass. The poor guy was in hospital for 3 weeks!!! The bypass operation was a success but he had some urological issues that had us hitting our heads against a wall. I swear he bled for 4 days before the Urologists would come and see him and when they did (after begging, pleading and screaming on my part), it was an itial cursory visit follwed by many phonecalls, no response and then having to deal with the shmuck of all shmucks a Dr. Bloom who had a negative bedside manner. Such a nasty little shit - just wanted to bang his head into an already used bedpan!!

So he home, still urinating blood, still passing blood clots, still in excruciating pain. G-d dang these dr's. We did change groups and got a much better response.

The cruise was ok - we left with heavy hearts as my dad was still in the hospital, when we left we knew he would be ok and was being discharged but hated leaving. But my dad was insistent and the kids were looking so forward to it, I did not want to dissapoint them. My dad only started bleeding once we were away.

I did not like the fact that the trip was all about food, all we did was eat and when we weren't eating we were talking about what we wanted to eat at our next meal or scouring the buffets for a nosh, and nosh we did.

The kids did not love the camp, the staff was exhausted and really not the warmest friendliest bunch. My sister said out of the 5 cruises she had been on this was by far the worst. The kids had a blast, I got to spend time with my sister and nephews - it ws really great to see them. We had such a heavy heart about my dad so we could not really give ourselves over to the experience completely.

Thank you for all the prayers, for all the love, for all the support - it really helped.

Take care.

Summer Time.......

2007-07-30T11:45:00.000-04:00

The Summer started with a bang. It's funny (not ha ha) but Memorial Day Weekend is not the best time of year for Josh's mom, 3 years ago she had a stroke on the Friday of Memorial Day Weekend, which saved her life, as they diagnosed her with stage 4 lung cancer. Not being a lady who takes particularly good care of her health (understatement at best :) she would never have known about the cancer. The doctors at Sloan-Kettering in the City are amazing and she beat the cancer into remission, left with one lung but managed to feel better. The stroke was a harder recovery process then the lung cancer.

This year the Thursday before Memorial Day weekend. Josh and his brother accompanied his mom to the city where the Doctor told them that May has brain and Spinal Cancer and they had given her less the 6 months to live. I was so upset that I could not sleep that night.

That Friday I had a crazy day at work, had Shabbat dinner at my folks and dragged myself and the kids into the car, Josh had to run to Fairways as we were expecting 60 people for a braai/BBQ on the Sunday. As the girls and I were getting to the top of my street my best friend Deb was arriving home (she lives at the top of my street). I pulled up next to the curb to say hi. Her daughter and my kids started chatting and making plans. I told them that I was exhausted and not a chance was I getting out car. the pleaded for 20 minutes. I said no way!! They prevailed, Deb offered to make some coffee and we could sit out in her magical backyard - she is such a talented gardner and has created such an oasis back there. She has huge wicker rocking chairs with gushy pillows that you just want to nap on. We sat down for literally 5 minutes, when I hear this blood curdling scream. Nikki had fallen off the monkey bars. I could tell straight away that her arm was broken. I grabbed her and rushed her to PM Pediatrics it's an unbelievable Emergency Room which caters to kids. I did some real low flying! Poor nikki screamed every time I flew over a bump.

We were there for ages, they confirmed that her arm was indeed broken, the put a soft cast on and told me to go to an Orthopedist on the Wednesday after the holiday. I came out called 2 of my friends who are unbelievable dr's and they both told me to take her to Schneider's Childrens Hospital for a second opinion. We picked Ry up from Deb, dropped her off at my folks and we ended up at the ER (again), until 1am. They confirmed the diagnosis.

Poor kid had such a rough night. I ended up spraining the muscles on my hip when I carried her, so Saturday was spent with me helping little Nikki and trying to get my Chiropractor to sort out my hip. He is such a gem and he did. After a full day on the Soccer Field he met me at his practise. Thank G-d.

The next day we had our big bash - it was so great to see everyone, we were so exhausted but had a great time. I looked fabulous in my hip brace :) and Nikki with her cast, what a pair we made :) There is nothing harder on earth then trying to get my overzealous, energetic little Nikki to chill out and not run.

Monday we had plans to go out with my M-I-L for lunch. We got to pick her up. Ring the door bell, no response. Ring again. Nothing. We got scared, luckily I carry her key with me, Josh went in, found her on the ground, she was weak and had fallen trying to answer the door. He picked her up and put her into bed. He was a freaked out and did not want to stay with her by herself so I told him to take the kids to my folks house. He came back, we spent the rest of the day with her and she seemed weak but better. I told her that the kids ahd got a bit of a fright knowing that she had fallen and I just wanted to get them and show them that she was OK. She said fine, I got the kids, we picked up dinner for everyone. We hung out together. My M-I-L needed to go to the bathroom, I helped her up and was helping her walk there, once in the bathroom she collapsed. I was stuck holding her, she was out cold, she is not a very overweight woman but definitely weighs more then me. I shouted to Josh to help me and for Ryan to call 911. She did such a great job, kept her cool and made the call.

Josh managed to get his mom to the bed and I grabbed the phone. Such a great mom, all I wanted was the kids to know that she was OK and they end up having to make calls to 911. I told Josh I was getting the kids out of there as I did not want them to see the ambulance and all the stress that goes on with assessing his mom. I called deb and told her she had two extra kids for the night. Dropped them, met Josh at the ER. The only positive was by May falling against me the way she did, she snapped my hip in the other direction and righted me. They stabalized May.

Two days later I was at the supermarket. I called my mom to see if she needed anything. I could hear a lot of noise in the background. I asked her what was going on. She told me that they were watching they house burn down - WHAT???? Yup they had an electrical fire and there two car garage went up in flames. Luckily the maintenance men saw what was going on and took the cars out of the garage. My folks were home and had no clue what was going on. Thank G-d they were ok.

Its been a crazy summer, my folks are still displaced, May is hanging in.

I was expecting a slow summer and have been really busy. The kids are at Gan Israel Camp, a Chabad camp that I was dreading but had turned out to be the best thing ever. Its a fraction of the price of the other camps and the kids are having a blast!!!

In a week and a half we are going on Cruise with my sister, her kids and my brother-in-law for 5 days. The kids will go test out Sleepaway camp at the end of the summer. It was a crazy start but the summer has been good since then. We have had some unbelievable parties, had 5 birthday parties for Ryan - including a sleepover party which was wild - she had the best time.
Its been crazy but all in all, its been good.

Back.................

2007-07-29T20:47:00.000-04:00

Been so busy. All good though. Work has really taken to me to places and to people I never though possible. Its ben a good year. I have made some great friends and am so grateful for the path I am on. The kids are doing so well. Ry found her wings last year and soared to heights I never imagined for her. I swell with pride just thinking about all she has accomplished and how far she has come. It has been no small feat and I am so grateful to my folks, the staff at the school and I guess my own tenacity and her, well my strong sweet butterfly. She is just a special strong girl with a world of possibility at her pretty little feat. Nikki had a bit of a tougher year, placed in a mediocre class surrounded by not the nicest kids, she managed to do what Nikki does so well, she weaved her magic, connected with the boys and made it a real fun year for herself. I am so proud of them, so thrilled that I learned to unplug and be a present force in their life. Its so easy to get caught up in the moment and forget about being present in their lives. Its all good and I thank G-d everyday for all that I have. My husband, my parents, my friends and these two precious jewels, these flowers that fill my heart and my life, my girls.

Back for a bit .............

2007-02-28T14:06:00.000-05:00

Its been a crazy few months. All good. I am finding my connection with the girls so much deeper with me switching off the computer and being present. Their computer died so I have not had access to mine for months on the weekends which is when we allow them to be online.

I got back last week from a very special trip. My dad took my sisters and I along with our families to an amazing place in Germany called Bad Tolz its a magical place where we spent many a vacation in my youth. Its a real pain to get to, it took us 28 hours door to door but was worth the trip. Its the first time we have been together as a family without cellphones, without agenda's on neutral turf. Our one responsibility was to relax and enjoy each other's company.

It is so nice being in a place where people are not neurotic, the kids had so much freedom and had a blast, we literally did not see them all day they would go off and play and check in with us to let us know that they were OK. There was so much to do for them to do and I got uninterrupted time with my parents and sisters. My brother-in-law is a big kid so he spent most of the time on the water slides with the kids. There is something to be said for a country that serves beer with breakfast!!

The kids loved London, we spent most of the day at the tower of London - they lasted for 4.5 hours and we had to leave because we were meeting friends in Covent Gardens for lunch and then my parents at Hamleys. It was a lot of fun, I think it made it easier that they were there last summer and that Josh and I know the city so well.

The only negative was Weight Watchers flew out the window at record breaking speed and has not been seen again since - especially with all those British candies - all my favourites. I am dying to do more travelling with the girls I realy have so much fun with them.

Clear and present.................

2007-01-03T16:13:00.000-05:00

Happy Holidays to one and all. Hope you had a wonderful time filled with love, family, friends and all the good food that goes with it! Its funny since my trip to South Africa, I have not been a great blogger or e-mailer, I used to be fanatical, checking my blog most days, e-mail sometimes twice a day. In South Africa I survived without e-mail and blogs. I connected with myself, my kids and my friends there. Once back on American soil, I no longer craved the ding of my in box, no longer needed the cyber connection that kept me whole for so long. Its not that I don't want to know whats happening with my online pals or those I love around the world, I do. I just made an unconscious choice to be more present in my day to day life. It is rare for my kids to see me online when they are home, they spend more time on the computer then I do. I often don't check my e-mail for days, sometimes weeks. My days are spent at work or connection with Deb or my friends in the neighbourhood when the kids are at scholl and I am work-free. Its all good. Last year was not a great year financially but I still feel rich for the milestones we have passed for how far Josh has come as a person. For all we have done and all we strive to do. I am grateful to have people in my life that I need, most of them too far to have a cup of coffee and a laugh with, and I do crave your news and your company but I have had to come to terms with the fact that we will never live around the corner from eachother, our lives are worlds apart, our bonds are great and will tie us together for as long as we live. I think going back to SA and picking up those long-term friendships from where we left off just solidified what I guess I never really admitted to myself, those we love, never leave us, we just carry them in our hearts until we meet again. Sometimes in cyberspace, sometimes on the phone, hopefully soon in the flesh. How grateful am I to all those of you out there who make me feel like I matter. Happy New Year to you all, forgive my cyber absense I am off living the life I have chosen and my world wide web does not have legs yet.

Back in time ...............

2006-12-17T15:48:00.000-05:00

I took a trip down memory lane today, Ry's friend Ashley turned 9 and celebrated at United Skates of America. I was transported back to the early 80's, when Cresta roller rink was the place to be in our neck of the woods. We would all get dressed up in our mini skirts, head teased up high, sporting huge shoulder pads. Honestly wish that butt pads were more in fashion, those mini skirts showed off many a bruise. The slimiest Michael Jackson immitators would strut their stuff. They have not dissapeared completely, I was lucky enough to be hit on by slime in a black leather jacket, he watched me strut my stuff, and I have to say after 25 years, I still have it. Today Cresta is a huge Shopping Center, the Roller Rink is long g one and as for me, I am tapping at 40's door, inspite of that I had a blast. My kids pooped out early, shocked at what their mom, could do - if only they knew :) Plenty more surprises where that comes from.

Unleashing the Beast...........

2006-12-09T14:20:00.000-05:00

Last Tuesday I was in a pissy mood and have reached the stage in my life where I make no bones about it. My buddy Deb called me in the midst of me throwing my toys out of my cot (crib), I told her that I was in a bad mood, I was not even going to apologize for it and thats just the way it was and I would speak to her tomorrow.

I growled at everyone, got the kids ready for bed. Next thing the doorbell goes, in walks Deb with a big King Kong balloon, two huge grocery bags brimming over - can I just say it was FREEZING cold outside. She tips the bag on the table and in it is one of every weight watchers dessert that they make. Two trashy magazines I have never read before and a container of sugar free coolwhip. She hands me the balloon, says unleash the beast and have some dessert to make it alright. I burst out laughing, the beast set free, and we chowed down on some yummy desserts - bet they were worth at least 50 points. We looked through the magazines and laughed at how pathetic it was. I must say it really calmed me down. She is a real keeper that Deb. The next day her beast reared its ugly head so we went out shopping, said screw weight watchers and went for yummy Dim Sum -it was so friggin' good! We had such a great time. Unfortunately the only thing that lost weight this week was my wallet.

Is this considered Grave Robbing????

2006-12-06T09:07:00.000-05:00

I think I need a new title. The recycler! The User! Or perhaps the Grave Robber!! A while back I helped a friend clear out his mom's house after she passed away, if you want to read about the start of my new title, you can do so here.

This past weekend I helped my friend Julie, who is the woman I have slated to be Josh's second wife, if anything should happen to me. Julie and her partner met a week after Josh and I did, Josh and Julie have been really good friends for a long time, and it was only natural that the 4 of us would bond. After we all got married, within a few months of each other, Julie's wife slowly started distancing herself (and Julie along with her) from all Julie's heterosexual friends. We were sad to lose the friendship but moved on. About two years ago I got a call from Julie letting me know she had left Valerie and she would like to pick up the friendship again. We welcomed her back with open arms and her daughter, who is the same age as Nikki (my youngest), has a great relationship with my girls and we have a great bond once more.

While Julie and Valerie were together they were made joint executors of a friend, Luisa's, estate who passed away awhile ago. It is quite a large estate with many properties and has been a long drawn out process. They finally closed on the last of the properties and this past weekend we went to help clean out the place. Boy we barely made a dent, you see Luisa used to own a 5 and dime store in the 60's. She closed shop in the early 70's and never threw a thing out. Julie came to collect clothes, never worn, still in their original packaging from the store for the Boys and Girls club near her. I have never seen so much shit shoved into 3 levels before. There was no room to walk but I have to say we made out like a bandit. The B&G's club scored big time and so did we. The house was filled with antiques and other amazing goodies. A lot of shit too, this woman threw NOTHING out! Ryan scored a gorgeous bedroom set, Julie and I got brand new coats, still in their original packaging, straight down memory lane from the 60's, I got a Mouton and three curley lamb coats - I just love them. One of the joys of living in a cold climate is I get four complete wardrobes for the 4 seasons. We took boxes of never opened costume jewellery from the 60's diamante. faux pearls, etc. All for goodwill, they are so stunning and I bet will make some families very happy over the holiday season. I also got the hugest scale, it is made out of marble - it is so huge, I have no idea where the hell it is going to go in my house, but all I know is I could not leave it to be thrown out with the other stuff they are going to have to get rid of before the new owners move in.

I guess the question of the day is, how many old ladies homes do I have to clean out before I am officially termed a Grave robber??

Bygone Era..........

2006-11-26T16:31:00.000-05:00

I was fortunate to spend time with J's step-grandmorther this weekend. She is a remarkable woman, who take life in both hands and lives it to the maximum. She savours every moment of everyday and is an inspiration to all who meet her. She started iceskating when she was 80, always up for new experiences, what a very special lady she is. The one thing that struck me as we were sitting sipping tea yesterday afternoon, was here I am a late 30's woman, in good health, fairly good shape, and the best I could come up with for an outfit was sweatpants and a sweatshirt with sneakers. Here is a 93 year old woman who took the time to have her hair done, put make up on, dress impeccably. She squeezed her feet into uncomfortable shoes, sporting a broken toe, all because they completed the outfit. She looked great, fragile, old but well put together. I was reminded how she is the end of that era, Dee's mom is part of that too, I have never seen Pauline with a hair out of place, or J's friends mom, whose home I cleaned out when she died and how each of her pocketbooks had a hankerchief with her initial embroidered on them tucked inside each one of her considerable handbag collection. That generation is coming to an end. The fast paced lives we lead and the need to simplify that only ends up making everything more complicated has taken that elegance, that sense of style out of everyday life. I am sad to see it go, all the while relieved that I can throw my blue jeans on and head for door, without even a pocket book.

Happy Thanksgiving...............

2006-11-21T07:52:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving is by far my favourite American holiday. I have found it really trying hanging on to the inner peace I discovered while in South Africa, I did not realize that once I attained it I would have to work so hard to keep it, and it is a real chore, but one that I need and am so very grateful to have. I feel blessed for this life, the people who surround me, the friends I have met, both here and online and through the course of my life. I feel so profoundly grateful, not for the journey, but for the place it took me to. I still can't even really think about what it took from me and those 10 dark depressive years but I relish the day and the daylight and am amazed I came through it without drugs, free and unscathed. With my kids, my husband my parents and all of you. I am so very grateful, every day is Thanksgiving but this year I get to surround myself with family and toast our thanks for all that is good in the world. Hope you all have a happy one. Deb gave me one great birthday gift, we went Jean shopping, looked so hideous in them that we joined weight watchers the very next day, so this year my table is laden with weight watchers core food, no sweet potato pie, no green bean casserole. No none of those delectable treats will be adorning my table this year, and I only allow myself once a year to even eat them, guess it will have to wait until next year.

Human at last............

2006-11-20T19:41:00.000-05:00

My birthday came and went in a whirlwind. Dee, Loren, Wenchy and Broom Girl thank you so much for all my thoughtful goodies and Deb well thanks for my own price is right show with my choices and the day of spoiling that had me in tears - tears of happiness but you sent me over the edge with your well thought out day and all the ways you showed me how much my friendship means to you. Ditto babe.

The weeks since then have been so hectic, work unraveled which for me means, oh fuck, got slammed with a $3,000.00 fine we could not afford to pay to start off with. Guess I got too smug for too long and too confident, guess its a reminder that I am human - how could that be???? Me? Human??? Nahh far too fabulous for that :) So friggin' fab I screwed up big time. To compound that little beauty every closing I touched went bust - big-time, I spent a week of working long crazy hours in weird wacky places and earned bubkah's for the effort. Ah well, just the nature of the real estate market in NY, it really is teetering on the brink of I am not sure what. Scary. I don't even dare utter the words. I have seen shenanigans (sp??) that make me doubt people in a big way, from attorney's who make up powers of attorney's to suit their needs and then are flabbagasted when I blow the deal up because I won't take their bogus documents in for recording. The other attorney at the closing is taking her before the Law Board. Slime of the earth, makes one feel like one needs a shower in dettol/lysol when one is done. Thankfully I carry a small purrell with me wherever I go. Oh swell, only 40 more shopping days to go before people can lock in their rates and get their tax write offs for this year. Lets hope its me residing over their closings. I have 3 grand to recoup and then some!!!

2006-11-08T10:21:00.000-05:00

Love and hugs from SA - Thanks Jax and Wenchy - you guys are amazing!! Thanks so much for my piece of Africa!!

I hate the telephone.......

2006-11-02T16:57:00.000-05:00

Not the invention necessarily but the impact it has on my daily life. My whole business revolves around my cellphone, the merest beep sends me running, scrambling and flying. I could not do what I do without it. It is my master and my sword, it steers me through the commercial jungle and home again. Conquering the almighty dollar in my quest. It was my birthday last Thursday, I was fortunate to hear voices from around the world and around the country in my ear. Wishing me well, sending me love and hugs from far away. Thank you to all of you it was so nice to hear your voice and have a short chat while I was in malls, being taken out for lunch or surrounded by my kids.

We got Ghosted and loved it .................

2006-10-24T11:39:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine carried a tradition over from her town to ours!! We were ghosted! What is ghosting you may ask??? Well here's how it goes. It was dark. I herded the kids into the kitchen at the appointed time. We hear a pounding on the door. Who do u think it is I ask the kids?? Making myself sound scared. Nikki's eyes shot wide in terror!!! A stranger she says! I say hmmm, maybe. Stay in the kitchen. Curious eyes peep out the door way as I go retrieve our ghost - a bag filled with toys and goodies and a note which says ............

BOO!!!!!

You have just been ghosted

Keep your ghost posted on your front door through Halloween to ward off phantom ghosts returning to your home.

To activate your protection, you must "GHOST" 2 houses in your neighborhood within 24 hours
AND DON"T GET CAUGHT!

All ghosting musty be done after dark done when someone is home

Have fun..... Master Ghost

Bring the ghost, ring the bell and RUN...
Be Sure to hang your ghost outside so people know you have been GHOSTED

We then swung into action, to go ghosting ourselves. We had so much fun!!!! Loaded in the car, little people placing loot in front of doors, ringing the bell and running away like the devil is following them!! We got bust at one house but had so much fun. We giggled for ages - it was a riot!!! We'll be heading out for a serious ghosting tonight! All I could think was that if I was still in South Africa we could be shot for pulling that kind of trick!!!

2006-10-24T11:15:00.000-04:00

If you think the house is scary you should meet the people who live here!!

2006-10-24T11:14:00.000-04:00

If you think the house is scary you should meet the people who live here!

2006-10-24T11:13:00.000-04:00

Our haunted house, a little place we call home

2006-10-24T11:12:00.001-04:00

Pitchforks and spiderwebs - hee hee

2006-10-24T11:12:00.000-04:00

Enter at your own risk!!!

2006-10-24T11:10:00.001-04:00

Beware - spider

2006-10-24T11:10:00.000-04:00

Warning this house is haunted!!!

2006-10-24T11:08:00.000-04:00

I bought JJ a halloween Costume - JJ is my parents favourite child. He is such a cutie and my little shadow whenever I am there!!

2006-10-24T11:07:00.001-04:00

Frankenstein

2006-10-24T11:07:00.000-04:00

My mom and dad with their son JJ

2006-10-24T11:06:00.000-04:00

JJ as Frankenstein - close up

Cookie Monsters, Pizza Princesses and So Much More ........

2006-10-21T15:10:00.000-04:00

Nikki's birthday party was awesome. She had such a great time, got spoiled rotten and had the time of her life. Of course the party had to have some hiccups like the guests arriving at 10am, the owner telling me to be there at 9:30am and the manager not opening up until 9:55am. Sheesh my poor pals who arrived early were whipped into action and made to help. We got everything going and I was a bit pissed (bit - yeah right) because it really set me back from organizing all the stuff so I had to miss half the party while I set all the crafts and cookies up.

The kids loved the pizza making but their heads nearly exploded when they received the cookies with the body parts and colored marshmellos. They had a great time. We did a craft, tattoos and then ate cake, they did a Nikki parade and went on their merry way.

We did a quick stop at home to drop off soome perishables and then headed to our friends John and Stacey for Johnny Jr's 4th party. I have spoken about John and Stacey many times, they hold parties at home, that go on for ever and no holds barre. They converted their barn into a haunted house, had huge inflatables including one with a rock climbing wall - almost two stories high, with a huge slide on the other side. They made a pumpkin patch in one of the stalls, had face painters, cotton candy machine and popcorn machines, wow!! Wow. Wow. Thank G-d I did not have to pay for it but I was I happy to be a guest. What a great party it was. We were the first to leave at 5pm. My oh my. Loren and I had such a blast racing each other down the slides, me with Ry on my lap and she had her daughter Cami on hers. A great time was had by all.

2006-10-21T15:06:00.000-04:00

J's Dad, Step Mom and the rest of us :)

2006-10-21T15:05:00.001-04:00

The Pizza Party Princesses

2006-10-21T15:05:00.000-04:00

Me and My pizza princess's

2006-10-21T15:04:00.000-04:00

Heart shaped Pizza!!

2006-10-21T15:02:00.001-04:00

Ry and the monster :)

2006-10-21T15:02:00.000-04:00

Phats this cookie is for you :)

2006-10-21T15:00:00.001-04:00

Real cookie monsters - Alex & Nikki :)

2006-10-21T15:00:00.000-04:00

After cookies comes crafts

2006-10-21T14:59:00.001-04:00

Ry making her photo frame

2006-10-21T14:59:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday!!!

2006-10-21T14:58:00.000-04:00

Her Majesty

2006-10-21T14:55:00.000-04:00

Nikki being carried by her adoring fans :) Only Nikki!!!

How the cookie crumbles ......

2006-10-16T08:13:00.000-04:00

FYI - the cookie recipe below, while delicious is really crumbly - except for the ones that turned golden brown, the scorched black ones held together pretty well, but alas no-one was clamoring for those.

In my 13 years of living in the USA, I still hate election time. I can't believe that elections are smear campaigns instead of being based on ones own merit. Politicians take pot shots at each other, go out of their way to discredit each other so one ends up disliking both of them. It was so foreign to me when I first came to the States with my South African naivete firmly in place. I remember being truly horrified, the horror has lessened to disgust. I have the power to vote, I am a believer in every vote making a difference but I must say I wish there was actually a candidate out there that was worthy of my nod.

Quick Tip..............

2006-10-12T14:51:00.000-04:00

I needed to make cookies quick and simply. For those who don't know me, I love simple easy recipes that give the appearance that I have actually spent time cooking or baking. I found this tip online and you know what it worked so I thought I would pass it on.

Ingredients
1 box of cake mix (any type)
1/2 cup oil
2 eggs

Mix together

Bake for 10 minutes at 350 degrees.

Mine only needed 8 minutes and they are yum. Add in whatever your little heart desires. I made mine pink, flat and round they are the base for faces, which the kids at Nikki's party are going to decorate and make into monsters, along with severed body parts - found all these gruesome gummy candies at Target. They will use red and black frosting/icing just to make it even more disgusting. Did I mention they had gummy eyeballs too?? I love Halloween - this should get them all in the mood!!!

2006-10-09T18:14:00.000-04:00

A beautiful and thoughtful piece of South Africa from Wenchy - thanks so much!! I love it!! It will go with me wherever my keys may take me!!!

Inner Peace

2006-10-09T17:35:00.000-04:00

Since returning from South Africa I try really hard to hang onto the inner peace I found while on the journey. I make a conscious effort to not get bogged down by the hectic pace in New York, the aggression that surrounds me, not one to meditate, not religious either, I gravitate to that place deep within me that I rediscovered and do not wish to let go.

It gets hard to do, especially when faced by a 3:30pm real estate closing in downtown Brooklyn, near the courts on, well, Court Street of course. There I was faced by a prick of attorney who was so nasty, for no apparent reason. He took an instant dislike to me from the minute I walked in the door.

I have never had that experience. He literally threw my business card back at me (its customary to present the three attorneys at the table with your card), he was so obnoxious. I kept my cool, was polite back but have to admit my patience wore thin by the end of the long complicated closing, I starting snapping back at him. It was bad enough having to face crazy Friday afternoon traffic but he was such a bitter person to deal with. I felt cloaked by his negativity, I felt the tears welling up but would not succumb until I was safetly enclosed in my car, where there was a parking ticket waiting for me - and it was not even Friday the 13th. Best I stay home next week.

I am a believer............

2006-10-04T18:32:00.000-04:00

I don't have OCD although one may be forgiven for thinking otherwise when Yom Kippur, The Day of Atonement rolls around. I find myself faced with my own mortality on a daily basis, the wonders of being a parent and harbouring that fear of what if, but on Yom Kippur I add my feverent prayer to the chorus of so many, to be inscribed in the Book of Life, for all those I love and care about around the globe. I feel the words swirling around my head, not sure if I am just feeling faint from not having eaten or had anything to drink in the almost 27 hour period or if it is a religious frenzy. All I know is that it takes hold on that one day and I cannot let the words go. Let's hope it works and that we may all be in that mysterious book for a very long time.

L'Shana Tova

2006-09-27T19:26:00.000-04:00

This year has been a very different year, I have truly taken stock of my life and allowed myself to glory in the imperfections. I no longer notice what is missing but what is there. After so many years of longing for so much that was not there it feels good to appreciate what is.

In doing so Ihave let go of the notion of the huge celebrations, where my entire family would appear to devour the delectable treats my mom served us for the holidays, there would be 70 people a day and no-one left hungry, in fact most were done eating for the week by the time my mom got through with them. My sisters were unable to be here and my cousins decided not to join us for the first night as they usually do. I opened up the invitation to my new neighbour who is recently divorced but comes equipped with a South African sister-in-law, how bad could she be?? We get on really well, her daughter is in Ry's class and her son is in Nikki's class. Jake, her son has a crush on Ryan unlike anything I have every seen, Ry is loving every second of it, I will tell you all the scoop on that later. Anyway the New Year was brought in by Josh, the kids, his dad, step-mom, my parents, his friend Bob and Georgian, Jackie, her two kids, her sister-in-law (Andi), brother and there 3 kids. Its was a noisy fabulous affair. The kids had a blast and the parents did to. Andi enmeshed herself in my family and lapped up all the south african-isms. Andi is a staunch vegetarian but smiled at the perogen and kichel, danish herring and array of home-made treats, she recounted stories of her family and seeing a similar table laden with similar fare and we felt them all around us even thoughthey all live dispersed around the world. Everyone got on so well, the laughter flowed with a few bottles of KWV and the stories we swapped. It felt like home. We all left smiling, floating despite the full bellies, happy to be surrounded by laughter, love and the tastes of home.

Ryan sat on my dad's lap after dinner recounting her Jake tales. "He has a crush on me she says to him", really my dad asks. "Do you like him??" "No" she rolls her head back in her head, "he is so annoying". "What does he do for a living" My dad asks, "he's a lawyer" she says without skipping a beat. he is 6. Where did that come from? Jake just adores Ry and I have to say if last year was the start of the year of Ryan well it was the year that gave her wings because this year she is soaring, she has taken off to heights that I had only dreamed of for her. Jake's adoration has certainly helped as has her friendship with Arianna (his sister), her time in South Africa was pure gold. She just blossomed and grew and came into her own. I love who she has become and am so proud of her. Jake is here every afternoon and the other day I felt quite bad, I had a whole brood of people here, 8 kids and three moms (plus my two and me), he knocked on the door, I told him it was not a great time and asked him to come back another time. he said ok. I did not realize it but he sat on my front step and waited - it was only when I sent everyone on their merry way that I realized he was waiting there. Devotion like that does not come along everyday.

2006-09-27T19:14:00.001-04:00

L'Shana Tova

2006-09-27T19:14:00.000-04:00

My table all set out for the night - meant to take pics when everyone was there but unfortunately forgot!!

2006-09-27T19:13:00.000-04:00

The girls in front of my buffet table - they chose their own outfits - did not realize they matched the decor :)

2006-09-27T19:12:00.000-04:00

My Yom Tov table - note my hand made kichel - a moment of silence please.

2006-09-27T19:11:00.001-04:00

The girls and moi

2006-09-27T19:11:00.000-04:00

Ryan on our deck

Black Dahlia and then some ............

2006-09-20T07:43:00.000-04:00

The worst movie of the year is undoubtably Black Dahlia. My sister and I made the mistake of seeing it this weekend. A friend of mine could not be saved and saw it yesterday, she regretted it too. Save the money, seriously. Slow, boring and pointless really.

The weekend was great though, amazing for Joey the chew toy kid ( you can read about the dog bite incident in Friday's post) and the girls really got to hang out and play. He is completely edible (as the dog already demonstrated), what a cutie pie. Wish they lived closer so the kids could spend more time together.

My mom watched the kids Saturday Nigt so that Heid and I could waste money on the Black Dahlia and do some last minute shopping.

Sunday they left early, we woke up late, the kids ate freshly baked bagels which Josh ran out to get for them, and they spent the whole day in their PJ's playing downstairs in their playroom. Except for a few minor spats they were so good and had an amazing time. I spent the day baking cakes and kichel for the upcoming Jewish New year, our New Year is going to be so sweet it will send everyone into a diabetic coma!!

At around 4pm we started getting ready to go to a BBQ that started at 4pm. Now if you know anything about Josh and I we are the most punctual people you will ever meet. 15 minutes early is considered on time for us. I called Loren to tell her that we have been slugs and will be late. No problem she said, I am still at the store, lol, guess its just as well we were late. She had a huge crowd and we had a great time, it was an awesome BBQ/Braai, although I must say the never ending appetizers killed the main course for me, I was stuffed. Yum!!!

Monday I spent the day with my folks, running some errands they needed to do and we went for an amazing lunch at a Deli with the slowest service and best hot beef on Rye. Cooked some more for Friday, hope no-one is eating this week. We'll have 24 people here - and I want them all to come hungry and leave so full.

Tuesday Deb called me to play Hookie, so I did. We bought awesome stuff to decorate our tables, cornicopia's (sp?) flowers, etc. It was a blast followed by our favourite PF Changs for lunch, we are addicted to their lettuce wraps and salt and pepper calamari. Afterwards I paid a Shiva call to a friend who is 48 and just lost her Grandmother. How amazing is that? Followed by an evening of Mah Jongg. Busy day, lots of time being a social butterfly. Love that. Of course had to do homework and carpool between it all, and the kids did a great job helping me set out the table.

It's the first time I am having Rosh Hashanah in my home. I'ts always been the exclusive domain off my mom, who does a spectacular job of creating unbelievable meals, never making the same dish twice. Her cooking is legendary and she is a tough act to follow. This year is the first time that neither Heid, stephen and the boys or Nin will be able to attend. My mom's heart was not in it. Her nephew, my uncle and their families could not make it either, so when we looked at the guest list it turned out to be all my family, my friends and my mom doing all the catering did not make sense. So I am trying to keep the baton going.

L'Shana Tova everyone! Happy New Year!!

Plastic Soceity ............

2006-09-18T09:59:00.000-04:00

I could not put my finger on what pissed me off about buying plastic bags in South Africa. Besides being incredibly inconvenient it is just down right stupid. Here's the story for those who are not in the know, when one goes to the supermarket in South Africa one is expected to either bring their own bags to take their goods home or to buy bags. The whole point being environmental, save our universe, yada yada and all that. I think it is bullshit. If they are so friggin' concerned with the environment, spend real money on recycling plants, stop throwing out stuff that can be used again. The bags our supermarkets give us are gratis. Free. No charge. But at the entrance to the store is a machine where one can put in cans used for recycling and they pay you for bringing them. Recyclable goods get picked up outside my house and get reused for plastic, paper, bottle, so many different ways to make out garbage whole again.

Personally I think big South African business lobbied (sp??) government and found another way to fleece the consumer. Give them plastic bags and give incentives to companies to not dump waste, do garbage pick up at reasonable rates instead of humping companies and people. Oh yeah and recycle!

Hairspray!!!!

2006-09-15T08:02:00.000-04:00

My dad is a tough act to follow, he is an unbelievable man and father. He was always cooking up surprises when we were kids, whether it was telling us to pack for warm weather and then whisking us away to Mauritius or Durban or one of the many adventures he has given us throughout our lives. The theatre has always been a big part of that too, I remember going as a kid, he would take his three girls, sometimes my mom would joing us and others it would just be him and the three of us. We would dress up in our shiny black shoes with the gold buckles, our knee high white socks and hats and gloves, always dressed to the hilt. At intermission he would buy us each our own bog of black magic chocolates. We felt so grown up and special. Last night was one of those nights.

One of the wonders of living in NY is going to Broadway. I love the theatre and wish it weren't so dang expensive. Last night my dad took his girls, my mom, my sister and I to see Hairspray. Wow! It was so great, the music was fab the cast and crew gave their all and we all had a big smile pasted on our faces!! Dinner was at Foley's Fish House, it is on the second floor of the Renaissance Hotel, right in the heart of Time Square our view was spectacular and as always it was so special spending time with my folks and my sister, Heidi. I feel so lucky to have them be a part of my life.

Unfortunately it was another late night. I swear since I got back to NY I have hit the ground running. I have really given myself permission to play. I have been working long hours and the nights have been meeting friends after the kids are asleep, unfortunately my work hours have been so nutty that I have barely seen the kids, not finishing closings until 8pm and then meeting friends for dinner or going out for coffee with them. I am looking forward to a no plans weekend where we have plenty of stuff to do but with the kids. I have really missed them, the flipside has been connecting with the side of me that is silly and fun and does not take life so seriously, ahhh to finally have people around me who know how to laugh!!

I am playing hookie today to go hang out with my sister and my nephew, Jo Jo the dog bite kid. I swear Jo Jo is the funniest cute, adorable as all hell bot trouble with a capital T. He has spent so much time in the emergency room that Heid is nervous that the Dr's might start an investigation. She was doing some last minute shopping on her whirlwind trip to South Africa, got a call to rush back to the house as Jo Jo had been bitten by a dog, no scrap the house meet Stephen (her hubby) at the hospital. Let me tell you this Joseph is one lucky kid, the dog did a great chomp job and if he had chomped his eye a bit harder, well Little Joseph would have ... well you know. Anyway, covered in stitches, they grabbed the kids and ran for the airport. There's nothing like a sedatives to knock a kid out for a long flight! Poor Heid, payback is a tough thing!!!

Hope you all have a great weekend.

9-11

2006-09-11T18:22:00.000-04:00

September 11th strikes a chord in so many people's hearts. Today I was intent on not getting caught up in all the sadness that goes with remembering that awful day, trying to logically tell myself that its time to move forward.

I found myself caught up in the broadcasts, brought back to that day, seeing the suffering on so many people's faces as raw as the day it happened. How could I even think that this day could be a side note in history - its as raw and relative today as it was 5 years ago. Such an evil plan, brilliantly planned and executed, I have seen the face of evil and he still roams free. How is it with all their resources, with all their technology the American Government can't find and kill Osama? He is riding camels and eluding one of the most powerful armies in the world. He will fall. I know he will but how many more innocent victims need to be laid in his wake???

Its funny driving on the Long Island Expressway (LIE) today, bumper to bumper with cars, I was brought back to the sparkling blue day when the twin towers fell, the LIE was silent, I was the only car on the road save for the occassional emergency vehicle driving on the opposite side of the highway. Wild when you consider that the LIE is the busiest road in the States.

To all those who died that day we remember you, CNN has an impressive memorial here.

Speaking for the unheard.

2006-09-09T09:56:00.000-04:00

What we put out in the world is what we receive. Its strange I was brought up in a very priviledged environment, my parents both successful. What put them apart from many of the self-made people I knew is that to this day they will start chatting with anyone anywhere, they have never forgotten where they came from and how quick a trip back it would be.

It was always funny watching people in my dad's office quiver with fear at the mention of his name, always Mr. E, never called by his first name, Jack. I remember once before school (when I was at Damelin for Matric, Damelin was across from the railway station in Jo'burg central), my dad drove me in at the ung-dly hour of 6:00am, we went to have breakfast at his regular coffee shop. His favourite cup of coffee magically appeared without him uttering a word, along with two slices of toast. All around us were handshakes and greetings to Jack. How are you doing Jack, Whats Happening, Jack, Missed you last week Thursday Jack. Jack was smiling and chatting to his buddies, the truck drivers, the mailmen, and his all time hero the train drivers. Jack was just one of the crew.

I guess some of that has rubbed off on me, having been gone from NY for 6 weeks and then even longer from some of my favourite haunts. I experienced the Pavlovian effect of my upbringing, I walk into my favourite take out Sushi place, Hi the owner greets me, I say hi back, walk over to the ready made sushi counter, as I do so he shouts to the back asking them to make me my favourite soft-shell crab roll. I smile, we chat, his broken English, a sweet Japanese man, with a smile and oozing self respect. I walk into my favourite 7-11 after a late closing, its 8pm, the man behind the counter beams at me, I'll make you a fresh pot of coffee as he runs to clean the pot out of my decaf crumb cake coffee pot. Hi I say and we chat about our summers. Its funny when the invisible people around us are made visible, they treat those of us who notice with such respect and are so kind to us. I am grateful to have parents who noticed everyone.

The Ugly Truth ................

2006-09-08T13:05:00.000-04:00

Dawn's response to My Africa post (directly below this one), got me thinking how right she was (don't let it go to your head chines :))

Her comment was: What I find strange about it all is that the 'new south africa' brought out the truth of the 'old south africa' - that which has been going on in the townships for ever, certainly while we were all living our idyllic lives, is now widespread and has become the way of life. Township crime and the good old-bad old days suburban bliss collided. Ironically, I suspect it is the same most everywhere. How long would us priviliged folk hang out in those areas of America's big cities that are no-go-zones for us? I expect not very long. For those who haven't seen 'TSOTSI' yet - it's a great movie about South Africa and its human spirit.

We certainly did live Idyllic lives. We still do. The harsh reality of the life so many live is one that just gnaws away at my soul. Its funny though because many of the old school black South Africans I spoke to thought things were better under apartheid, they said that there were more jobs, things were less expensive and there was less crime. I guess when one is fighting for ones basic civil rights your priorities are different. So many people expected that when Apartheid ended they would move into nice homes and live better lives. Some did but the majority struggle. I suspect you are right Dee in that many big cities in the USA must face the same issues. Its a shame.

My Africa......................

2006-09-06T13:44:00.000-04:00

The most common question I get asked is my impressions of South Africa, it's a hard question to answer honestly without offending people and it is not something I can be objective about. You see South Africa for me was not just a place, it was the very essence of who I was and how I defined myself. It was a magical place that gave me the values and ideals that I live my life by. The essence of South Africa is more then the breathtaking beauty, of which there is so much, but more of the intrinsic values of the people who inhabit her. Those who go out of their way to be kind to strangers, to help each other. To get off their arse and be nice just because they can. To open their homes and hearts to people that they barely know and may never see again. There is so much good and special within the borders.

I felt trapped while I was there, not just by the burden of travelling with two small kids but by exposing them to the inherit dangers, the crime, the rapes, the muggings, the murders. Thankfully we were spared any of those ghastly experiences and my kids did not see that side which was plastered over the television and newspapers. Corruption is rife. The jewel of Africa is being stripped down and I felt helpless as I watched her slowly being raped. People are starving, they desperately line the streets begging for food. Everywhere I turned someone wanted something from me where it was money or food or to hock me their wares, it was always something.

Growing up in South Africa I was always amazed by the strength and dignity of the black population, stripped of so many of their rights under apartheid they still carried themselves with a grace and dignity that I have never seen replicated anywhere else in the world. The people made me sad, so very sad, living on Long Island in NY I am isolated from crime and poverty and I rarely encounter people who are in financial trouble unless they are unable to make their BMW payment, not the desperation of every morsel of food counting, I live far from that.

I don't look over my shoulder, we have no bars on our windows and the front door is not always locked. We certainly lock up at night and if I am home alone the alarm goes on, but I can drive at night by myself without the knot in my stomach, without the fear and I know that I live a safe life provided I am not careless or stupid. My kids can walk to school and ride their bikes outside, I meet friends for dinner or coffee without a worry.

There was a lot to get used to in South Africa, besides the places I knew no longer being there, besides the food being so unbelievably rich my kids got sick. It was weird having doorhandles be higher and toilets are higher too. Its weird driving a manual car on the "wrong" side of the street. Its weird having people at every intersection selling goodies.

I am awed by the talent of the craftsmen, there is such a glut of artists selling their beaded wire crafts, breathtaking and I was saddened by how the housekeepers are worked for so long and so hard. Old ladies working late into the night cleaning up so we could sit and relax. Women who should be retiring but instead have to work and they do so with a smile. I met so many ousies who made me sad, my white guilt kicked in big time. Its a burden I don't carry anymore.

It was so hard going to try foods that I had salivated for, for so long and the memory out weighed the reality. The one thing that could not be touched was the human connection and the laughter with friends. The real talks and the igniting of our souls as we discussed memories and events often ones we are unable to share with others. I was sadned by how few are left. So few people. Places. Things. Its not my Africa anymore. Maybe it never was.

Amazing.........

2006-09-05T09:23:00.000-04:00

This takes real Talent

New beginings.........

2006-09-03T10:58:00.000-04:00

Having a rather surreal experience being back in NY after my South Africa jaunt. I have to say it is weird being so peaceful. Work exploded, the end of the month is really a busy time for me and I just floated along the wave. Its not like that zone out, stoned peace but its just an inner feeling that has eluded me for the longest time. How great a gift to leave the burden of my beautiful past behind and start living in the moment, creating memories for this chapter in the book of my life.

In the begining of the year I had let my friendship with L go, it was hard to do, she was not in a space where we could be friends, it was too hard for her to bear. I know my stand in your truth attitude is hard for some to bear and when you reach that level of intimacy as friends where you get to delve into one anothers souls, its hard to step back and just scratch the surface. L needed to go through so much and I could not help her and did not really want to, I had too much on my plate before I left for South Africa. Her last tearful call to me before I left about how much she did not want to lose my friendship was hard for me because I had been so hurt by her and I also had to hold myself from jumping right in to apply a bandaid, she needed to bottom out and make her life whole. I told her that I would call her when I returned from SA. Which I did and it was great to chat with her. We ended up going to a mutual friends house on the Sunday and I must say I was so relieved to see her, to see her back from where she was and back to who she is. It is hard to watch someone you care about be in pain but yet instinctively you know its what will make them whole and that is all that you can wish for them.

We spent the entire day absorbed in one another, chatting furiously, catching up on the time we have lost and reconnecting, it was great to both be on the same page, to be on the same path again. Friends, next to family are the mainstay of what keeps me whole. I need that intense human connection, that ability to delve into what makes us who we are and to enjoy the journey with people on similar path. I feel so lucky to have a network of like minded souls, many on the blog, e-mails, phone and some in person. Those are my diamonds, my pearls, the jewels of my life.

Deb and I snuck out of our house on Tuesday night, we went to borders for Cappucino's, chat and chuckles. We had a great night, bought a few books and then called it a night.

Wednesday was Josh's birthday, his mom came over for dinner and we had the yummiest carvel cake for dessert. He is feeling older, I guess its hard to be creeping closer to 50 when you feel 20.

Thursday night I played cards with some friends in the neighbourhood. It was a nice impromptu game and we had a great time. Friday my sister Heid, and my nephews, Gary and Joey arrived. We had a great Shabbat dinner at my folks. Gary came for a sleepover. Saturday my mom juggled all 4 kids while Heid and I went out for a day of shopping, she is heading to South Africa and needed a lot of last minute things.

Gary had another sleepover and our short visit comes to an end, the kids are downstairs with their cuzzie enjoying their last few minutes together before we head on out.

I may be 20 pounds heavier but I lost my luggage - that must count for something!!!

2006-08-26T19:37:00.000-04:00

Its been surreal being home. Yes it is home. It took me going back to South Africa to realize that this trip is it, the one that I say goodbye. My heart is still there and my soul still beats to the sounds of a cowhide drum, but my life is definitely in NY. It is home. 13 years after first leaving SA I can now look at the life I lead and be so grateful for all that I have. Its funny before I left I considered my house a bit of a wreck, Josh was pissing me off and I was spinning so fast trying to get this trip off the ground that I could barely stand. I kept on spinning through my 6 weeks in South Africa and I am back with a renewed sense of peace. My house is a castle and Josh the prince who resides in it with me. I feel grateful to have had 6 weeks to bond with my kids and we have in a way that is hard to describe. Its a warm fuzzy place where we hold hands and giggle. I never used to be able to take the time to do that.

This past week was so manic, I really do live at frenetic life. I came home late every night, one night because of work and then I had Mah Jongg, the next because of work and the next because I had a ladies night out at Bang restaurant with Debie and Lisa, followed by a late night hanging out for Shabbat dinner at my folks house.

Its funny when I was in South Africa I was telling Andi how I now knew I would never live in South Africa again and how I was not sure if I would even visit again. She asked me if that made me sad, I told her no, I spent 10 years mourning for a place that no longer exists there is a certain relief in finally being ok with where I am.

Its good to be at peace. At last.

Its funny because I am emmitting some strange vibes because wherever I go strangers are coming up to me and starting indepth conversations in a way they never have before, even my snobbish neighbours have made a point of going out of their way to greet me. Odd stuff.

While I was away Josh painted the kitchen for me and it looks so fabulous I just love sitting in it, its so tranquil.

I am so grateful to the powers that be for letting me be open enough to finally see what was there all along. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by my family, friends and the love of those who don't live nearby but I carry them in my heart wherever I go.

Our travels continue ...............

2006-08-20T08:43:00.000-04:00

Sunday, July 16th
Left the Vaal early to go meet Broom Girl, Super Mom and Wenchy. There is something so special about connecting with people on-line and then when you meet it is even better in person. I felt instantly comfortable with them and knew if I did live closer that they would be part of my crew. Jax lives in a beautiful home and laid on quite a spread, I ate so much sugar I think I was bouncing around. They also surprised me with the most thoughtful gift and I was really touched and I will treasure it. Thanks guys.

Afterwards we left to go visit my cousins who as we were getting to Rosebank, called to say one of the kids were sick and could we do it another day. No problem we hit Rosebank Flea Market instead and Ry had a "lekker stuk vleis" at the Black Steer, the first proper meal she had eaten since our night at Jody.

Back to the Vaal to pack for our trip to Sun City.

Monday July 16th
8am took the car in to have the shocks checked - all working ok. Went to run a few errands with zonk, the clutch just gives way and I can't drive the car anymore. We waited over 2 hours for a mechanic to come from BMW to take a look at it. Turns out the clutch cylinder had gone and I had lost a lot of brake fluid - yay no clutch, no brake. Would have been a great trip to Sun City.

I had called at 8:45am and did not get into BMW before 11:30am, at which point they tell me that I missed the 10am order time to get a parts delivery. After waiting for 2 hours I flipped out - because had they come earlier we could have made it without a problem. Its amazing when you just stand your ground and push back hard how solutions are found. I really have been living in NY for too long. Magically they found a part and in less then an hour it was fitted and we were on our merry way to Sun City.

Nin and I were saying how fortunate we were and how we both consider ourselves to be lucky people. We felt so lucky that we did not get caught en-route to S.C. there are some scary roads we would have to travel on.

We arrived in Sun City, our accomdation was absolutely supurb. Too tired to hit the Spar to buy food we went to Squires Loft for what would turn out to be one of oiur favourite meals in South Africa, I had the best calamari and the steaks were supurb!!!

Tuesday, July 18th
After the stress and the trip my neck and shoulders were in such spasms I could barely move. I booked myself in for a massage of note - it was wicked and got me moving. Ah do I love to be pampered, I must have been royalty in a past life.

Nin and Happiness took the girls to the Valley of the Waves where they had an unbelievable time. After the Spa I went to Spar :), came home, whipped up dinner. Nin and I played scrabble that night, she whipped me silly.

Wednesday, July 19th
Took the kids, Nin and Happiness to the infamous Sun City Breakfast. The kids were in their element, they could not believe that I would let them eat so much crap, waffles, pancakes, sugared cereal. I let them eat to their hearts content, at R110.00 per person (around $16). I must say I don't think they made any money on us as Ry demolished their smoked salmon platter, major bucks in SA and inexpensive here, my kids eat it all the time. The kids are enjoying eating stuff that I don't keep in my house in NY. Part of the experience in SA is the culinary one, I gave my kids freedom to try anything and everything. Its a wonder they could even sit still with all the sugar swimming through their veins. Nin completely spoiled her nieces with ice creams and candy.

The kids and Happiness hit the water slides at the Valley of the waves while Nin and I read on the beach. Its been such a treat being able to read and I just devoured books, one after the other.

Thursday, July 20th
Nin went to a meeting in Pretoria. The kids sat around watching TV in their PJ's. After lunch we hit the Valley of the Waves, Ry and Happiness did the big slides while Nikki and I hung out in the kiddies section. It started getting a bit Nippy so I dropped them off at the heated pool by our room, and I spent the afternoon eating a huge bag of flings (my favourite chips) and watching TV. After dinner I taught the girls how to drink milk through a peppermint crisp - they loved it, ahhh the skills that will carry them through life :)

Friday, July 21st
Took the long drive back to the Vaal, took a wrong turn and ended up getting a tad lost but we eventually made it.

And...........

2006-08-18T06:07:00.000-04:00

Friday, July 14th
A day of non-stop running, meeting with jewellers, ordering gifts for Josh from hawkers in the street, Stopped at Steers for one of the vilest hamburgers I have ever had, they used to be one of my favourites as we headed out to get Ninnette (my sister) from the airport). Hit the supermarket, whipped up a yummy shabbat meal, my kids love the fish in SA and fried or baked Hake is a treat and a half.
Its so nice being in a place where people are so helpful, my mom's glasses got broken and her optometrist in SA faxed it through to her with a smile and they did not even charge me for the overseas call which costs a fortune there.
Nin and I played scrabble which had always been one of my favourite games, I whipped her little butt - it was great to play it again. Ry slept with Nin and I got little Zola Bud in my bed, I swear the kid does not stop running for a minute!!!

Saturday, July 15th
Had an 8am appt. at BMW, the cars central locking is not running right and it just drives funny, the mechanic takes it for a drive and says it is the shocks I need to have them tested at 8am on Monday morning, before we head out to Sun City. The Vaal is such a magical place, my folks place is attached to what was the Riviera Hotel. The have a huge outdoor enetertainment area with jungle gyms, an obstacle course, a trampolene and even swimming pools, all right on the banks of the Vaal river. It also happens to team with kids during the day and we had an array of kids walking in and out the house, Kaylen, Tiffany and Jasmine became regulars, for lunch tea, snacks, the kids even went to BBQ's/braais at night without me. Happiness my au pair has a great way with kids and really helped them have an unbelievable time.

the travels.......

2006-07-30T04:48:00.000-04:00

Tuesday 11th continued

I went to Andi's chiropractor so I could actually move my hip:) Sheesh I am getting old. He says tome(having adjusted Andiforover 20 years), so when are you going to introduce Andi to a nice guy. I asked him what does he mean she is already seeing a great guy. But he is thirteen years younger then her he says, what will happen when he is 50??? I said, well she will just have to find someone younger. He started laughing. Shook his head and said now I can see why you guys are friends. Hit Bruma to buy lots of lovely goodies. Met Andi for lunch at Europa, had another really yummy salad and coffee - we sat in Norwood and watched the world walk by. So many memories, so many places. I then went on a tour of Andi's business, her new factory and offices, I just swelled with pride by what she has achieved, I am so proud of her.

Then went to pick up the kids from a rather exhausted Di who had Ms. Happiness (my au pair) with her and Happiness chose to sleep all day, I must say in real Tammy Fashion I threw my toys out of my cot/crib and she got the message. Happiness is truly a gem, the best of what south africa has to offer, a bright sunny black south african with endless patience who oozes life and is bok for the adventure that lays ahead.

Ry slept at Di's house, I deposited Nikki and Happiness back at our timeshare and Ands came to pick me up so I could officially meet Iain. He is such a great guy and I am so pleased for them, they are so in love and I just love the energy between them, I do believe he will make her happy and that is all I wish for her.

Wednesday, July 12th
Happy Birthday Gary!!
Today Jodi and I packed the kids up and went to Gold Reef City. They had such a blast - it has such a great amusement park and the kids jolled on the rides. They had zero interest in going down the mine shaft but they did pan for gold.

Then dropped the kids off at Jody where they had a great time, Jodes, Markie and I then headed to the Vaal to return one of my suitcases, my dads boot/trunk istoo small and would never have fitted in my sisters stuff and ours. We just chatted, drank moccahchinos and it was very special. The friends I have here are family,not even friends there is such a deep connection, such al ove and such a feeling of belonging when we are together.

Thursday, July 13th
The kids just crashed. No more their tired little bodies could not deal. They needed their mommy and some serious down time. Rented some videos, cancelledmy plans with Lisa and we just hung out. That afternoon we went foratour ofNorthcliff, where I grew up, we drove past the house I grew upin, somany memories, felt like a huge cloud over me. So much has changed, distances that seemed to loom so large are so much closer from an adult perspective. I then introduced the kids to Milky Lane and they loved it. Me too I must confess, their waffles with cream are just the best!!! Finally food we all loved.

That night we get back, calm kiddies down and at around 8pm Happiness comes to tell me that the toilet is blocked. I call housekeeping they tellme the maintenance guy has gone home, they try to plunge it but to no avail. She comes back with a big blue bucket/pail and says you'll have to use this. I looked at her and explained as I do sowell, in no uncertain terms that I will not be using any bucket to go potty in!!! They had to go get the maintenance man who fixed the toilet!!! Oh joys! Blue bucket se voet!

Update continued

2006-07-28T16:52:00.000-04:00

Saturday July 8th

After a night of throw up, still dragging, cleaned the kids and me, sheesh they say when its your own kids it doesn't matter but jissus china it sure is gross. Hung out with Lisa, PJ's on sipping tea, great way to spend a morning. Headed back for the timeshare, cooked and chilled out. My kids have had such a rough time with the food, actually so have I, everything is so rich, Ry can devour 4 yoghurts in a sitting in NY, here 2 spoonfuls and she was done. The food is drenched in butter, even hamburger buns arrived buttered. I think the real difference between SA and the USA and the real reason people are so obese in the states is the richness of the food, one can eat huge quantities in NY and never feel satisfied, here a few spoonfuls does the trick. Although I must say I don't find SA's as thin as they once were I think the introduction of drive throughs and McD's has not done much for the waistline. Although the outdoor lifestyle definitely leaves them with more pep in their step and smiles on their dials. I can't believe winter means a long sleeve T-shirt, and a pair of shorts for the kids, heaven. Wow.

Sunday July 9th
Spent the day with Andi, went to a dr. with Ry and Ands her and I hit the nursery where we could sit and eat (I had a delicious salad, the veggies here are so unbelievably tasty), really great spending quality time with Ands, she is so much more then a friend, I see her as one of my sisters. So special having her in my life. Went to the Rosebank Flea Market to peruse through overpriced tourist stuff.

Slept over at Jodi and Russ's place, was so lekker having a marathon huck, unfortunately little Nikki was attached to my side that night and I had yet another sleepless night.

Monday July 10th
Jodi got me an appointment at 9am with her reflexologist, in the states reflexolofy is a fancy name for a food massage, here it is an art where talented people can read your feet and cure you of what ails you. Its been almost 20 years since I have been to someone as talented as this reflexologist. She is amazing and really knows her craft well. Its funny as I drove to her on the otherside of town (Victory Park to Glenhazel)all the routes came back to me and I just remembered where and how to go. Its funny how there is so much stored in the bank of ones mind that we never get a chance to utilize. Funnier yet was meeting my friend Elana (in NY)'s cousin at Balfour, she owns the coffee shop there and I just had to have a cuppa).

Aterwards went to Moyo with Lisa, Di and Jodi and their host of kids. What an incredible venue, its on the zoo lake, an African motiffed restaurant with outdoor and indoor seating, it is so stunning. The food was very mediocre but the venue and activities for the kids were just unbelievable.

Its funny in NY Ry struggles to connect with kids, here her connection is instant. She has made so many friends and just found a well of self confidence socially that I have not seen before. It is such a gift to just be a kid here, people in NY get so uptight, I don't really blame them as when a kid drags mud through the house for a second time you want to beat them to a pulp, here Precious, ever so patiently cleans up for the umpteenth time. The kids are forever barefoot and covered in dirt. At Moyo they climbed trees and built a clubhouse out of twigs and leaves. Its so amazing that they can be kids and I realize being here how much they miss out on.

We then headed back to our place where everyone collapsed and watched TV, I finished my second book, I have been so reading deprived and I have to say I am literally devouring books whole :) Its been so long since I have had a chance to read and I am just loving it.

Tuesday July 11th

Hit Bruma early to buy some gifts for people, its amazing the price difference between the vendors at Bruma and Rosebank. Bruma one buys direct from vendors instead of 20 middle men at Rosebank. I am awed by the talent of the local people, their ability to make pieces of wire into pieces of art is amazing. I am also shocked at the priced of stuff in south africa, what was once a cheap destination for us dollar weilding tourists is now an extremely expensive place, food prices are prohibitive and the level of poverty is so overwhelming, it sadnes me. Watching the dignity with which the man in the street carries him/herself and the struggle that they face just to put food on the table is so sad and it really broke my heart.

Our trip begins..........

2006-07-09T15:48:00.000-04:00

We left on Monday the 3rd of July on a 6:30pm flight. Josh drove us all to the airport,I have to take my vow to never travel with him or have him involved in our travel plans tattooed into my forearm because he had one of his legendary hissing fits when we were being checked in because the ticketing agents were taking people who had not been waiting as long as we had ahead of us because their flights were leaving earlier then ours. I was quite chilled and it did not bother me one bit until he started shouting at which point he and I had a minor brawl. The ticketing agent was in such a tizz that she either said f-you or messed up, because she did not book our luggage straight through to Johannesburg but instead sent it to London. I am not sure what posessed me to check but thankfully I did. The flight was uneventful,Ry did not sleep a wink,neither did I, I had to sit a fast asleep Nikki upright in her chair as the turbulence was so bad, she remained asleep but Ry and I hung out. The crying baby behind us did not help the sleep story at all. We arrived in London EXHAUSTED, Ry and Nikki had to push a cart loaded with 2 suitcases and I had 5 on mine (including our small overnight one) and a backpack on my back. Poor things were so miserableand the cart was so hard for them to manoever but they did a great job and I was really proud of them. Thank G-d Michelle was waiting for us when we got out. We had to manouvere the carts 2 terminals away, laden to the hilt through tunnels and a dinkum serious maze of note. Thank G-d for the Brits, they allowed us to check our bags in knowing full well I would be out of the airport all day. They checked us in, boarding passes and all. It would never have happened in America.

Ry had loved the airline food which she proceeded to throw up all over Michelle's car. Nothing like being exhausted and having to clean up vomit. I bathed the girls, cleaned the car, hit the supermarket where I had to carry an exhausted Ryan around, she is no light weight, but was so exhausted that she could barely walk. She passed out at Mish's place, we set Nikki up in front of the TV,and Mish and I sat outside with cups of coffee having a chat.

There is something about reconnecting with old friends, its almost a let down as the time stands still and its like we saw each other the day before. She looks great, has lost so much weight, she is so happy, she is getting married in November. One of the hardest things in our relationship was me seeing her be so unhappy for so long and not being able to do anything about it, she is doing so well and it really warmed my heart to see. I quiched out for about an hour and Mish and Nikki went for a walk. Jan and Mish took us to the airport where Nikki slept in the car while Jan and Ry explored the airport, Jan completely spoiled my girls with goodies they had found. I said my good byes and headed for the departure gate.

My girls were so good on both flights, a real pleasure to travel with, the first flight was packed to the gills the second flight was also full, the two of them were seated in front of me and I had a seat behind, where a woman sat and there was an empty chair between us, they kept trying to move me next to the kids but I was not prepared to as I needed some sleep and I had that extra 5 inches of space and was not giving it up.I also knew the girls would pass out momentarily. Which they did and I even managed a bit of disjointed sleep.

We walked to the passport control, it was my very first time not standing in the South African Passport Holders line, it really made me sad, I wanted to shout out tha I am South African,I promise, I belong here." The line moved so slowly,welcome to Africa, can't fight the slow pace of life. I was surrounded by people who live in South Africa on foreign passports, growing up a foreign passport was considered to be gold because you had away out. They were all saying how bad things were here and how they were all coming back to tie up lose ends and emigrate. We passed through to be hussled for money on the other side for a porter to help load the bags on the cart. We finally walked out to be met by Andi, Happiness (our au pair), Happiness's parents and Eddie who was driving us to the Vaal(where my parents home is),a comedy of errors ensued,Vodakom could not find my reservation for the phone, took them about 2 hours before they did. I sat at their counter and just saw ghosts, had these memories escape my body of people and places, the airport has changed so much but there are glimpses of the old Jan Smuts International airport and I had visions of going there to meet my folks with my grandparents when my parents came back from their holidays, of saying goodbye to those I love as they emigrated, my own tearful farewells, my sister who went for a year to Israel and her return. I was overwhelmed by the emotion, the memories, New York is devoid of my history and this one little part of Africa has captured a part of me.

We paid to leave the airport, grabbed our receipt and piled into the car,only to find that we were meant to have take the ticket out of the machine to be able to leave the airport. I grabbed the receipt, followed the secuirty guard to a bank of elevators where only one elevator worked. We went upto the office where they could not issue me a new card without my credit card which I had left in the car all I had take was the receipt, I could not give them the licence plate number, they thought I had stolen it,anyway I finally convinced them that I was no theif, I had 2 young kids in the car and they had to make a plan which they did. At Africa pace but they made a plan. We arrived at the vaal to discover that the fridge was not working, there was no heat, the place is on a river, it is gorgeous during the day but cold at night. My folks had not tested the heaters out and they did not work, it was freezing, the caretaker managed to find 2 old heaters that barely emmited any warmth. We all slept on the floor in the living room, I was so cold, barely slept, Happinesses cellphone kept going off and waking me up, got up early the next morning. I rushed to the supermarket, threw lunch together, my friend Diane and her 2 girls Ariella and Mandi came over to spend the day, they are the most divine girls and we all had such a lovely day. Di and I had a chance to catch up, once again it was like I saw them the day before. Mandy and Ryan fell in love and had such a connection, they begged for Mandi to sleepover, we said it was not a great idea as there was no way that Mandi would be able to get home if she got homesick,no-one drives on the R59 at night it is a very dangerous road. They begged and pleaded with me, I had adopted a new easy going attitude in SA to let the kids have a great time and decided, exhausted and all that she could stay. The poor kid ended up having a panic attack and would not sleep,she only slept an hour the whole night and did not want the lights off, I had 3 kids in bed with me but she was keeping Ry and Nikki up so her and I went to the other room where we hung out and read and chatted for the night. She is such a sweet girl and I must say I felt so bad for her. In the morning I repacked the clothes I had unpacked the day we arrived (Wednesday), it was Friday time to go to our first timeshare, I was so half asleep and my dad's boot (trunk) is so small we could barely squeeze our stuff in there and the kids were loaded in with tons of junk around them,organization was certainly not the key. We met up with Di, returned her exhausted kid to her. We arrived at our timeshare which is gorgeous, a 3 bedroom place with a huge livingroom and kitchen. Beautifully decorated in the country. A real treat. I repacked a bag, left Happiness, and the girls and I headed off to My cousin Lisa's house in Sandton for Shabbat dinner. It was an outstanding meal, and it was nice to see everyone, the kids had such fun with their cousins, Jamie and Nikki had such a little love affair and were inseparable, Jamie is one of the cutest and naughtiest kids I have ever seen, she is so delicious. Its so funny hearing kids with South African accents I just laughed everytime she spoke. She is too much. Dean is the same age as Ryan and just a delightful boy, so helpful, he looks after his sister and just about everyone. It was so strange having 2 maids there cleaning up,it was just like when we grew up, what a life we led. Shew the memories. We were exhausted got the kids in to bed. Ry struggled to fall asleep and we were up until midnight. At 1am Nikki woke me up to tell me she had a belly ache, I took her to the bathroom, she said she did not have to make. She wanted to sleep on the floor next to me(she had been sharing Jamie's room),which I made her a bed. She then proceeded to projectile vomit over her bedding, lisa's sofa pillows which I had gone down to get and herself. I took her to the bathroom and then went backdown to get something for her to throwup in, the only thing I could find was a pot and she proceeded to spend the remainder of the night throwing up. Making a full week of being up way too late for way too long. Off to sleep now.

Bye for now............

2006-07-03T12:44:00.000-04:00

My bags are packed and we are going to load them into the car and head for JFK in a while. Can't believe the countdown is counted and we are on our way. Hope you all have a great summer. Not sure what my internet access will be like but I will post when I can. Take care of yourselves. Miss you madly.

I screwed up.........

2006-07-01T18:25:00.000-04:00

I screwed up. Big time. Yesterday's activity was turning the house inside out looking for a fedex airbill. Ry was at my mom and Nikki was home with me. Josh came home to help me on my quest. Gone. Nikki saw how frantic I was, she asked me what happened I told her what I was looking for. She dissapeared for a while, and returned with a piece of paper covered in Nikki squiggles. I couldn't find it mommy she says, so I made you another one. How do you stay frantic in the face of that? Quite a while later my husband managed to locate it online, there lay the error loud and clear, I sent the documents to the wrong place. The mistake was a costly one, a good chunk of my savings for my trip. When I saw what I had done I burst into tears, little Nikki was frantic, Mommy she says, don't cry, please, little arms around my neck, little body curled up on mind. I know what I will do she says, she gave me a massage, little fingers on my back and neck. Oh how could anything be bad with that kind of love?

5 More Sleeps............

2006-06-28T09:19:00.000-04:00

Its hard to believe that after all the planning all the calls, all the advice and ideas, I am 5 more sleeps away from starting my trip to South Africa. While I don't relish the thought of a two-day trip I am looking so forward to seeing the place that in my heart is home. Its always there a soft beat of a drum that beats in time to my heart, slowly calling me back. Back home. I don't have many preconceived ideas as to what it will look like or what I will do in all the places I have booked us into. I do know that it calls me loud and clear, I am going home.

Home to people places and things. We have all changed, its been 8 years since I was last there, heralding the birth of a second child in that time, change of perspective, changes in idea. I imagine I'll slip into my old ways with ease. I am looking forward to seeing it all through the eyes of my kids. I am most excited about seeing old friends, visiting familiar places and showing the kids the part of mommy that they have only seen in pictures. Can't wait to see you all.

Devastated...............

2006-06-26T07:15:00.000-04:00

Devastated barely scratches the surface of how Nikki feels, she is so sad right now and I want her to feel the sadness to wallow in it, to be able to feel it so she can mourn and move on. She has finished Kindergarden and is just beside herself. She can't bare the thought of leaving her safe haven and moving to First Grade. Not only is she not ready to be a "big" kid but she is also not ready to leave her class and her teacher. Nikki is a little magnet for people and she attracts the most wonderful friends. Theya re loyal to her as she is to them. I think a big part in this process is that she left her pre-K class, which she loved, it was filled with great kids and a warm loving teacher. Once she left she never saw her friends from Pre-K. The biggest loss was her friend Sydney whose mom lost interest in keeping the friendship alive once she moved to Old Brookville, and lives ina beautiful home on over 2acres. She no longer wants her daughter sullied by the likes of us. Its a pity because the kid shad a very special bond but she can't socialize on this side of the tracks anymore. I think for Nikki change means losing all you love and its good but only for a short while. We won't get the class lists until the end of August, a few days before school starts, I can't make her feel better by letting her know who will be there for next years adventure, so for now she will just be sad. And I won't stand in her way, I will just be the one to wipe the tears, hold her tight and let her know that there is one safe port in the emotional storm, right here with me.

Stupid circles...........

2006-06-22T08:18:00.000-04:00

I have been meaning to post about this weekend for the longest time. It was really interesting, last Friday Night we went to my friend Mimi's daughter's 2nd birthday. They had around 50 people (including kids). Mimi is a dermatologist and her husband is a Gastro-interologist who specializes in pancreatic cancer and rare disorders. He is the guy other GI's refer their patients too when they can't work out what's potting. They live in a gorgeous house on 4 acres in Old Westbury, a very foo-foo neighbourhood on the other side of the tracks from where I live. We worked out that their electricity bill is the same as our mortgage payment. Headaches like that I don't need but I can appreciate the beauty of all they have achieved and I am happy for them. It is very rare that I feel stupid. I am pretty ok with my mental abilities and while I know there are no nobel prizes in my future I am pretty ok with who I am. Friday night was the exception. I was surrounded by so many unbelievably bright people I felt like I could barely string a sentence together. What do you do for a living I ask the really nice lady standing next to me, after we discussed our kids, our geography, etc. Oh I specialize in liver transplants she replies. The woman next to her does DNA research for Columbia. How about you they say, I want to say I am a housewife because a Title Closer just does not even scratch the surface. They then discuss a new procedure that came onto the market for something I could not understand, not sure if it was a case of baffle the buffoon with bullshit or if they thought I would actually have the slightest idea that they were even speaking nglish. Not high faluting folk, real nice people, I would certainly call them if I needed my DNA sampled or whatever. I scurried back to my corner where my friends, the mechanic, teacher, swimming pool(s) owner were sitting for some talk I could understand. I wiped the drool off my chin and hung out with the laughter brigade.

2006-06-20T13:29:00.000-04:00

You Have Low Self Esteem 4% of the Time

Which can be translated to mean, you have high self-esteem and a healthy sense of self worth.
You believe in yourself, and you know how to be the real you. You love yourself, imperfections and all.

How is Your Self Esteem?

2006-06-20T13:23:00.001-04:00

You Are 68% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.
Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.
But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.
You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

2006-06-20T13:23:00.000-04:00

Your Brain is 60% Female, 40% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Father's Day

2006-06-20T09:25:00.000-04:00

My dad is my hero. No two ways about it. He is a man of his word, good or bad he sticks to whatever he promises. There is no-one in the world I admire more and I feel so lucky to have him be half of the supportive parental unit that has got me to be where I am today. Its funny last year I needed to be reminded by Dawn to acknowledge my husband for Father's Day (these are the posts from last year on my dad and then my Josh post), this year I am in a complete different space. While I am always the first to acknowledge my daddy for all that he has done and continues to do, his generosity of his spirit goes beyond anything I could say, this year I wanted to touch on the father Josh has become.

When we first got together and discussed what I wanted in a relationship I told him that I wanted a child by the time I was 30. He did not want kids, not because he had anything against kids but because he felt that he could not be a great dad. He was not in a place in his life where he liked his parents much and for good reason. He never wanted anyone to feel about him, the way he felt about his folks. I explained to him that he was the one who would determine that. The beauty of kids is what you put into them is what you get out of them. I am such a believer in kids who are brought up with love, learn to love, those that are treated with respect, respect themselves and others. He knew it was not negotiable and kids were so much a part of my future, with or without him. He was not prepared to let me go, I think deep down inside he knew what I knew all along, that he would find his way and create his own path.

Today I marvel at what a great dad he is, how much he loves those girls and gives of himself to them. He works long weeks, leaving the house by 6:30am often returning late at night. No matter how tired he is or how long the week has been, he still shnuggles up with them on the sofa every Saturday Morning from around 6am until I get up. He then drags himself off to bed so he can have an extra hours sleep. He has such patience when it comes to teaching them how to cook or clean. Showing them how to build or fix things. I cook and get it done, he cooks and involves them, he lets them wash the veggies, stir the sauces, make the meatballs, whatever he is making. When they were younger he would put them on the counter, their little feet in the sink, the kids would get soaked as they washed vegetables for a soup or stew. The three of them all decked out in their aprons, having a grand old time.

My daddy is my hero, and to my girls their daddy is theirs!!! Happy Father's day to the two men in my life!!

Friends for laugh................

2006-06-16T16:25:00.000-04:00

The gift of today is not knowing what it holds. What delicious surpise is in store or what everyday occurance we take for granted that makes us exist occurs. The summer heat has set in with a sharp ferocity heralding the warm summer that was predicted a few weeks ago. When I moved to America I expected the cold winters but was somewhat surprised by the brutal summers, they have these hot, humid and hazy days, there is no hope for ones frizzy hair or frazzled mood. The summers are best spent at a beach somewhere sipping Pina Colada's.

It took me a long time to be ok with my decision to live here and I have spent a lot of time regretting my decision to move to New York, it took even longer for me to assimilate with the local and while I am not one of the masses I have certainly found my own enclave of like minded souls who just keep me going and laughing. I need laughter in my day, I need to have people who can laugh at lifes cruel blows while we cry. I need people who don't just scratch at the surface but dive in feet first touching the raw emotions that sets us apart from each other. I feel so grateful to have finally found lifelines, people whom I can ask for help and they readily give it. The gift of grabbing that impromtu cup of coffee, the gift of devouring an entire piece of brie cheese and having pieces of it snorted out because you are laughing so hard. The gifts of everyday in today. Today was one of those days, I got to laugh with my friend Andi who I teased mercilessly, she had sent me an e-mail about the child rape statistics in South Africa, this the day after I had a complete freak out about going to SA with my kids. I teased her mercilessly trying to work out what part of that e-mail was going to make me feel better about my trip to South Africa, we howled with laughter, as two good friends would as we ripped eachother to shreds, laughing all the way. Then there was an online chat with Dawn who keeps me centered with her wisdom, I love her take on life and how easy it is for her to laugh and how there are no barriers we can take a discussion in a million directions, laughing all the way. My doorbell just rang after the school bus left and there was Deb with her delicious daughter Alex, here for an impromptu playdate, she hated my new curtains and is insisting that they be made into shades, we laughed so hard, hence the flying brie. In the midst of the impromptu playdate my friend Mish called from London, we planned my short day trip to Lonndon, en-route to SA, I am so excited to see her its been far too long. A day of laughter and a day of friends, from Johannesburg, London, New Jersey and up the block, let me tell you it does not get better then this. To top it off we are off to celebrate a friends daughter's birthday (the same group from Atlantic City will be there - looking forward to it. Now if I could just stay awake through it.

Bitchy 8 year olds!

2006-06-14T18:23:00.000-04:00

High School musical fans came and played, they had a great time. Ry enjoyed her birthday. I think it really helps that she is oblivious to the bunch of bitches that populate her grade. Unfortunately I am not. One incident that really left a sour taste, we had picture frame mattes for the kids to sign and put messages on. This nasty kid came up to one of the other kids, who happens to be one of her very close friends, and said ever so sweetly "I just wrote the sweetest message for Ryan and signed your name". The other kid went to read whatever the bitchy one wrote, I did not see it but she crosses it out in black marker. Its funny but the bitchy one has always been difficult, Ry and her have been in a playgroup since they were 18months old. She was never crazy about Ry and I think it is so embedded in her that she can't get past it. Its sad because her mom is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet, her siblings are popular over achievers and well thought of by all the people I know with kids of the same age. I know part of the issue when they were babies is that bitchy's mom would always say to her, why can't you be as good as Ryan, Ry has always been so incredibly good and kind. Now whenever bitchy's mom see Ryan she always gasps and says how beautiful Ryan is. Her daughter is often within earshot. This kid is mean to a whole array of kids but Ry seems to get right under her skin. Its a relief that Ry is oblivious, she really does not even notice, I guess its the one time that living in your own world pays off big time!!!

2006-06-14T14:53:00.002-04:00

The picture cake

2006-06-14T14:53:00.001-04:00

Nikki with the apron she created

2006-06-14T14:53:00.000-04:00

Ry doing Karoake of High School Musical

2006-06-14T14:52:00.000-04:00

Ms. nikki eating her pizza

2006-06-14T14:51:00.002-04:00

The birthday Girls

2006-06-14T14:51:00.001-04:00

Nikki

2006-06-14T14:51:00.000-04:00

Nikki has the longest tongue and loves to show it to everyone - oy vey!!

2006-06-14T14:50:00.002-04:00

Ryan and Julia

2006-06-14T14:50:00.001-04:00

Ry in the parachute

2006-06-14T14:50:00.000-04:00

Amanda and Julia (Josh's first cousin's kids)

2006-06-14T14:49:00.001-04:00

Laura and Ethan (My first cousin through marriage and her son)

2006-06-14T14:49:00.000-04:00

Nikki with Ry's friend Courtney

2006-06-14T14:48:00.000-04:00

Ry's best friend Serena - they had their party together

2006-06-14T14:47:00.000-04:00

My Number 1 High School Musical Fan

Nikki-ism................

2006-06-10T10:56:00.000-04:00

It has been a crazy week, late night closings. I have not slept in weeks, my head keeps racing at 3am and Ijust can't switch it off. Friday Night was nikki's dance recital and Sunday is Ry's birthday party. There has been a lot of stuff to get done and hectic does not even begin to describe the pace. I just had to share a Nikki-ism with you.

After she completed her dance number, Nikki came to sit on my lap and watch the rest of the show. One of the numbers was a soloist, a ballet dancer. Nikki looked at her after seeing so many groups and said to me "Mommy, why is she dancing by herself?" I replied, "She is really good. One day if you practise really hard, listen to your teacher and try your best you can also dance by yourself, we call that a solo. But you need to be really good and work really hard." She sat back and watched the rest of the number. The next group was a really large one, at least 15 kids, "Boy, mom", Nikki says to me "they must be really bad!!" I could not stop laughing. I just don't think she knows how funny she is.

Fear factor...........

2006-06-02T17:17:00.000-04:00

I have never lived my life in fear. I am a firm believer in changing what you don't like or live with it. That was one of the factors that sent me on my whirlwind adventure when I left South Africa in 1993. June 10th will be my 13th anniversary. 13 years has gone by so quickly yet it seems like a multitude of lifetimes ago. I had a bit of a meltdown a few weeks ago, it was prompted by the visit of my parents friends (my dad's ex-secretary and her hubby), they were telling me delightful stories of the crime in SA and how there are even signs at some intersections warning of hijackings. Can I just say that completely freaked me out. How could I expose my children to that kind of danger. I must say my mind was not exactly laid to rest when I read Melany's blog and she spoke of co-sleeping as a form of security. I have organized a whirlwind tour for my girls so that they can see the best of what SA has to offer (at the worst time of year unfortunately) and I started freaking out because I have to drive far distances between the various points and while I am out of touch with living on the edge of fear my kids are completely removed from it and have no idea it even exists. I started trying to remember how to get to places and once again I just could not. My friends Andi and Dawn came to the rescue, Andi with a whole batch of woman friendly maps (yes I do not have the map reading gene) and Dee with her good old common sense. I am once again excited at the prospect and looking forward to all SA has to offer - I have just had to add a prayer for our safe trip, journey and return. Its so strange looking at the world through the eyes of a parent. Its amazing how scary a place it becomes.

Explaining the unexplainable!!!

2006-05-29T20:19:00.000-04:00

"Mommy", Niiki says to me. Eyes huge. Tears brimming over. "When are you going to die"?? "I don't know my love, why do you ask??" I reply. She climbs onto my lap, little body starts trembling and the tears start to flow. A little whispering, whimpering Nikki says, "Mommy please don't die". "I wasn't planning to my love," I say. Holding her tight. She crawls into a fetal position and I lie behind her, her body encompassed in mine, little soft curls under my chin. "Mommy, why do people die and where do they go," my sobbing princess asks. "Nikki my love, I don't know for sure," I say softly, "I will always be with you in your heart. Those we love never leave us, we carry them forever in our heart", and I trace where her tiny heart is. I'll always be in there. But she says, "I want your body to be here to. Don't ever leave me mommy, I need you too much". I hold her tightly, a long, long time, not really sure how to explain the unexplainable to the inconsolable. She has thee moments every few months, not sure why she feels like I am going to leave her and its funny because its always been my biggest fear that I would die young, I don't believe I have ever verbalized it outside of cyberspace but she feels my fear and hangs on to it and I can't take the fear away from her when it is still very much a part of me.

Friendships.............

2006-05-26T14:48:00.000-04:00

Its funny I am so open on my blog and the words on the page take me further then verbal expression ever could. It is hard for me to trust people with the my inner feelings, my thoughts, my fears. I have been fortunate to have connected with many people in my life on various levels. It has taken me a long time to learn how to be an acquaintance and realize that not every relationship has to touch the marrow for it to be real. How some people make me laugh, others have a great eye for shopping or a creative outlet, but the few with whom I connect well, its with them that we follow the paths of our souls and delve into the inner sanctum, the heart pounding revalations that make us laugh, make us cry and make us bond closer each time we experience it.

Last year I had connected with one of these people only to have her cut me out of her life for a few months. Its funny we have a bond, an understanding and I don't know why but I just know how she feels and she calls me a witch because to her I am. I know what she feels and thinks better then she does and I knew in the time that she cooled our friendship, that she could not bear it, it was too heavy for her, too deep. She needed the superficial friends the ones who don't get deep because they do not know how, she had a full plate and could not stand in her own truth and face the music. I don't know how to be the superficial friend with her. I can't suddenly not say all the things I see. But I also can't be the friend who drops everything when she needs something. Nope I can't have that door slammed a third time. I can't say it is not a door that won't be open, no it will but for now we will chat through the window because I can't have her as a priority because even knowing, and understanding, I have feelings too and the hurt is still there but no bitterness. A touch of sadness maybe. I know we will reconnect but for now I need to invest in me and the relationships that sustain me.

Ships in the night

2006-05-25T11:19:00.000-04:00

Josh and I were laughing last night, it appears we have successfully managed to not be home on one night for the whole evening together since Tuesday of last week. Sheesh its quite incredible how crazy life gets. This weekend marks the official start of the summer and my plans include relaxing with the kids, BBQ's and watching the fireworks. We may head out on J's dad's boat for a few hours on Sunday (his dad is an avid deep sea fisherman). I am looking forward to reconnecting and relaxing. Happy Memorial Day to everyone.

It can be a hard knock life .......

2006-05-23T08:04:00.000-04:00

A few of my friends are having a really rough time at the moment and I just wanted to send a cyber hug to them.

Dee and Wenchy vasbyt hey - thinking of you both with all that is going on. Love, kisses and prayers from New York.

Girls Gone Wild.................

2006-05-22T21:12:00.000-04:00

Whooo Hooo!!! Got back from my mom's weekend away. Holy Moly was it fun. One of my friends husbands has friends in high places, he organized us a weekend in Atlantic City at the Showboat Hotel. We left early Friday morning for what should have been a three and a half hour drive. Seven hours later we arrived at our hotel, screeching with laughter as we teased Deb, who drove, we made her life a torturous hell, as we laughed about how seriously lost we got. We pulled up to the hotel to be met by our personal butler, holy friggin' crap, it was so exciting. We then passed the teems of people standing in line to be checked into the gold, executive and platinum lines to a special V.I.P room where people fawned over us. Our luggage was sent up to the room. We made our way up to our two bedroom suite overlooking the ocean. It was just gorgeous with a wrap around balcony where we could see the ocean and boardwalk down below. The dining room table was set with delicious treats as we sat enjoying the views and each others company we devoured the assortment of treats while the butler went to get us Martini mixes as one of the ladies had a craving for martini's. He arrives back with the martini's and a whole array of desserts just incase we felt like something sweet. Now I am not into drinking, I hate how I feel when I drink but give me cakes and candy and I will take that sugar rush in a second. It was awesome. Deb and I shared a room. There were two bedrooms, three full bathrooms but Deb and my bathroom was mammoth, it was a gorgeous room, we lay in bed watching TV, chilled out. Napped a bit and then got tarted up for a night out. Mimi and Joanne left earlier to walk on the board walk and to meet us at Bally's Hotel to the Blue Martini Bar where they have over 100 different Martini's. The girls declared the French Martini to be the winner. We made our way back to the hotel to the House of Blues cafe where we munched on Spicy catfish nuggets, sweet potato fries (my favourite), ribs, seafood pasta, cornbread and an array of yummy drinks including a red delicious martini that just blew my martini loving pals right out of the water!!! Half way through the meal, tabasco, chili pepper loving Mimi was introduced to Habenero peppers the strongest peppers in the world, it hit her hard and she landed on her arse in hot sauce, found it hard to breath, Joanne and I being the wonderful friends that we are also had trouble breathing but more from laughter then sharing her pain. Deb came to the rescue as she marched into the kitchen for bread and milk to stop the burning so that our pal could breathe. We the went back to the room to chill and get a tad wasted.

Saturday morning I was up at 8am, hit the boardwalk for what should have been a run or fast walk but ended up being more of a crawl. It was awesome walking along the beach just watching the birds and smelling the fresh air. I went back to the room, we called the butler who promptly arrived with our breakfast and coffee. We had a leisurely meal and then went to hit the outlet stores where there were huge sales at coach, Ralph Lauren, J-Jill, etc. It was funny, we called up the spa to see if we could get massages, so sorry they say we are fully booked. We tell our butler, no problem he says "consider it done". Consider it done became the theme of the trip because WHATEVER we wanted we got. Deb and I cut the trip shopping trip short to head back for a delicious massage. I could get used to this lifestyle I swear. We then went up to our room where we ordered the most delicious buffalo wings, dim sum and cheeses and fruit. Time to get ready for our night out.

Debs husband had organized us a table in the Foundation room, a special room that is reserved for VIP's and their guests. Its funny because we had one of two VIP rooms in the VIP room. People kept sticking their heads in to see who could be so important that they got their own private suite in the prestigious club. We were served the most sumptuous meal of Kobe beef, soft shell crab, of course they kept bringing in never ending trays of yummy appetizers and I must say I had the best crabcakes ever!!!

They cleaned out the room and reserved it for us to have dessert and coffee after the concert. We went to see George Thorogood and the destroyers an aging Rock band. Imust say I have never heard of them and they were pretty good. The best part was watching the audience who started from mid 40's to well into their 60's and 70's die hard rockers, who have been fans for over 30 years. It was like watching my folks shouting rock on with the rockers salute. I was finished from laughing so much. The best part when he made a comment to the audience - said something along the lines of "Hey all you divorced gals meet me after the show", I was howling with laughter because 20 years ago his comment would have been "hey all you single chicks lets party after the show". It was so much fun. Mimi and I bailed on the concert early and went back to our private room within the private room to start on some sinful desserts and my how sinful they were. Yum. At around 2pm we hit the casino which was so much fun. We all lost dismally but had a great time trying.

Sunday morning we went to the Mansion Cafe. There were lines of people waiting to get in. we walked to the head of the line, informed them that our butler had made a reservation for us and we were whisked in to our tables for what would prove to be the only mediocre meal of the trip.

We packed up and headed home. It was such a blast, I can only imagine what it cost the hotel and I guess as in life it not what you know but who you know. The best part of the trip was being with a bunch of women who were so compatible, so easy to get along with and able to just laugh and have a great time. I am all about the bonding and the laughter. It was so special and we had an unbelievable time, we are already planning our next trip!!!!!

2006-05-22T19:09:00.000-04:00

Dinner at the House of Blues on Friday Night